Facebook says I pulled into LA 13 years ago today. That was the end of my first time in Texas, I touched upon some thoughts related to this in 13 years later.
I didn’t sleep well Saturday night because some kind of bug was trying to kill me. Got about 3 hours and though I tried to nap throughout Sunday never could seem to do so. That was frustrating, but by 8 PM my body had enough and I managed to catch some zzzzs.
Woke up at 3:45 AM cuz I had to see a man about a horse. Took care of my business and then something reminded me about the night the paramedics wheeled me out. I stared at a spot in the bathroom and remembered lying on the floor.
Climbed back into an empty bed and thought I saw some man walking through the room. It was weird because the only man who could have done that was me.
Muttered something about not being interested in fighting ghosts and tried to go back to sleep. Took a minute for it to happen.
The Record Of Our Lives
When slumber didn’t come I spent time doing multiplication in my head and then moved to thinking about everywhere I have lived and what they looked like.
Thought about playing records in the house I grew up in and how the scratch/hiss meant music was about to start playing.
Thought about my maternal grandfather singing along to his favorite Yiddish songs and how many people that were important are gone.
Saw something that said the average American man lives until 73 and woman until 79. I don’t plan on being average, but if there is truth to it I am closer to the home stretch than I might like to believe.
It is why I changed my diet and integrated resistance band training into my weight lifting.
Thirteen years ago I couldn’t have imagined that things would like they do now. Some of them are pretty damn good, I am proud many accomplishments.
But I am disappointed in other areas, disappointed in people. It’s not even that they failed to come through on basic promises but they failed to do the right thing.
Sometimes it makes me really angry, sometimes sad and sometimes I am ambivalent.
What If You Never…
The benefit of almost dying is you take “what if you never” to heart. You think about the people you haven’t spoken with, the trips you haven’t taken and the experiences you haven’t had and make some into priorities.
And you let go of others.
I stopped making predictions about some things because there are too many variables, especially when it comes to people.
People like to say they are logical but they really aren’t. They do things that make no sense and get engaged with people that look like a cross between a sad wax doll and a skeleton that someone slapped some skin on.
You can say you will or you won’t do certain things and then something happens to blow that shit up.
Friends and lovers come and go…sometimes for a period of time and sometimes forever.
And others you were certain were gone forever come back.
So now I do my best to take it day by day. I control what I can and let the universe take the rest.
Something tells me it is about to get interesting again, I can just feel it.
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