13 Years Later

My niece lives in Chicago and has for a while now.

Chicago has always held a place of reverence in my head because of family history and connections that go back a hundred years.

Got more than a few memories of my grandfathers arguing about the best place to get a Chicago hot dog in 19 thirty something.

Grandpa Wilner used to say if you couldn’t get a job in Chicago you couldn’t get a job anywhere.

I came this close to getting a job in Naperville and this close to moving to Chicago and driving out out to Naperville each day.

It didn’t happen and I am ok with it.

Not long afterwards I got a job in Texas and life took a big turn. A turn that set everything on the path that led to today.

13 Years Later

Thirteen years later I look at the picture of the kitchen from my first apartment in Texas and smile. Got lots of good memories from that place, lots of fond ones indeed.

It was where life changed and I charted a new course. Things didn’t go quite as I expected they would but that is how life works.

Thirteen years later I think about all the firsts I had in that apartment and all that I started to learn about who I am and what direction I wanted things to go in.

I remember it being the first time I saw a cardiologist. Not because I was sick but because someone connected me with one that ran a test on my arteries to see how clogged they were or won’t.

That is the view from my balcony. I think I took that somewhere around my 44th birthday, making that shot almost exactly 13 years old.

Forty-four was a good one, far better than 45.

I think back upon sitting on that balcony and staring at the stars and wondering if the future I imagined would look as I thought it might.

Thirteen years later I sit in a house about 50 miles away from there and smile. My apartment was about 15 minutes from the one my daughter lived in during her last two years of her undergrad years.

Thirteen years later I sit here noting that this Thursday I’ll go the oncology center and get the second of my five infusions.

Thirteen years later I think about the workout I had today where I finally engaged my left arm in a real workout.

I didn’t use the weights I wanted to because I am being cautious in my rehab. No need to get impatient and reinjure myself.

No need to rush, I am in a place where I know that what is meant to be will unfold. A place where I know that being methodical in my approach will best serve my long term goals.

Sometimes I think about trying to get back into my old apartment just for a minute so I can mark the spot in the sky where I wished upon a star.

I know that wishes, hopes and dreams are made real by the work I put in and focus on that. But sometimes I remember there is magic that exists outside of what we do and smile because it comes upon you in the most unexpected ways and times.

Thursday I’ll sit in the recliner and watch the nurse stick the IV in my arm and think about how lucky I am.

It all could have gone differently and the opportunities I have now might not have materialized.

But it didn’t go differently so I have more chances to ride my pony around the carousel and to take another shot at grabbing that ring.

Never know what will happen or who will show up because they wish to review the coven tree they rejected.

Never know what will or won’t happen so sometimes you sit upon your throne and enjoy the view of the empire you have built and or are building.

Sometimes you walk through the castle and smile for the work you put in will provide its reward, you just have to keep on keeping on.