Ten months ago I rolled into the local hospital so they could give me a few drugs for the purpose of pulling out some Grade A Wilner meat because the doc was concerned about my liver.
Post biopsy he told me the good news was that if I dropped some weight my liver would stop its revolt and that the chronic liver disease my medical chart lists wouldn’t be a big deal.
Told the doc I had no issues with taking some steps to get more serious about my health and have done a a solid job of turning the ship around.
Dropped a solid chunk of weight and replaced it with a chunk of muscle and have been having a field day in the gym proving that I am far from being ready to be put out to pasture.
If you are among the 17 long time readers that’s not news to you because I have been blogging about the spiritual, physical and mental journey I have been on this past year.
Nor are you likely to be surprised to hear that my wacky digestive system is why I am going to hit the surgeon’s table later this week for a minor medical procedure.
The doc says he thinks I might be out of the lifting game for two weeks but the nurse who scheduled my appointment says I should be prepared for longer. “It is pretty painful Mr. Wilner, but remember the pain won’t last forever and if it works right you’ll feel better over the long run.
Cue Tim McGraw singing Live Like You Were Dying.
I Am Not Dying
I am not dying nor do I expect to die on the table so you could say the song might seem over the top, but I don’t see it that way.
It is a reminder that life turns on a dime and that even things go perfectly they can go pretty damn fast and it might be a stretch for me to say I am almost middle aged.
It is a reminder that tomorrow might be too late and that someday might never come. It’s a reminder I have tried several other solutions for this issue and none of then have worked and I don’t need to live with discomfort.
So I am taking a swing at something I hate doing because I deserve better and I won’t let my fear of what it might feel like or what might go wrong stop me from gaining a better quality of life.
That doesn’t mean what I have is horrible now because it is not and that is precisely why I have dragged my feet. But I am quite aware it could be much better and I want that.
So I am jumping out of plane hoping the people who say to trust them are truthful, competent and correct in their analysis.
I am jumping out of the plane knowing I must have a high threshold for pain because I have managed this for quite some time. But I also know the ability to take a beating doesn’t mean you need to take it.
And I am thinking that my old man collected a series of diseases and medical issues and kept going. I am far healthier than he was and if he could do it there is no reason I can’t.
More to the point the purpose is to keep doing things to improve my health so that I never end up as he did.
But I would be lying if I said I am not nervous about multiple things and that I hate doing anything that will interrupt my progress.
I have worked so hard to bring my body back to where it is and this time away from the gym won’t be easy but if makes me feel 30 percent better consistently that will be huge.
And I am told 50 or 60 percent better is an easily obtainable goal.
I Make Things Happen
I make things happen is a mantra I adopted a while back when going through a rough patch in life. It is one I have come to appreciate because I have accumulated a solid list I can run through in my head alongside a gratitude list.
I used to roll my eyes at such things but life has demonstrated reason for me not to and that is enough for me.
Someone has been rolling through some of the old posts here and I have taken a moment to look back at some of them.
Bagels in Texas got my attention and I remembered how that used to be an issue. Remembered how we didn’t have any that I thought were worth a damn but thanks to places like Starship it is not an issue anymore.
Saw the blurb in that same post about a conversation with my then teenage son about my willingness to take action and smiled at the consistency. Smiled as I remembered telling him about the importance of setting our fear of failure aside because I believed then and still believe now it is of paramount importance.
It resonates even more strongly with me now because my great fear is this procedure won’t work as I hope and that I’ll go through hell with nothing to show for it.
But I am a man who has been willing to jump off of cliffs knowing I need to learn how to fly on the way down and willing to do so again.
Time will tell if I am a fool or fortune favors the bold. Let’s hope for the latter because I am a bit nervous.
If you want to see past posts click here.
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