A spam comment on a post called All I Once Held As True motivated me to take a look at something I wrote five years ago and now my head is humming with memory and ideas.
The text to my sisters and I offers a quick update to let us know that dad is being checked into the hospital but not to worry because it should be a minor deal.
I knew then there was a carriage being driven by a guy in a robe who carries a scythe but wasn’t sure how far away he was.
Did what I could to figure out where he was and plotted ways to put up roadblocks and or break one or both axles but wasn’t as successful as I would have liked to have been.
A few hours earlier I struggled to focus during my workout and cut it short because my head wasn’t in it.
Sometimes this happens, sometimes Mr. Toad offers to drive the car and my mind says, “why not” and we go racing over hill and dale while I watch the scenery go rolling by.
The Boss is right, one minute you are here and the next you are gone.
Sometimes you just have to submit and accept there are things that cannot be explained in simple or traditional manners.
And the reality is when I look back upon my life it has had more than a few moments of truth being stranger than fiction.
By The Time I Am 55
Had a feeling for more than a decade now that certain things will happen by the time I am 55, if not before. The superstitious part of me says I ought not to put such things upon paper for it could cause the evil eye to gaze upon me.
And then I remember Grandpa Wilner telling me he would throat punch death if he could and that makes me laugh because Wilners can be tenacious, stubborn and ornery.
Someone asked me yesterday if I was angry with them and I said if I was they wouldn’t have to ask me, they would know.
The younger Mr. Wilner has a few thoughts about it and those make me laugh. The guy has a dry sense of humor and sometimes he can be one of the funniest people I know.
It is too bad his grandfather isn’t here to see what kind of man that kid has grown up to be, he would be so proud of him, all of his grandchildren really.
But I have to say there is something about Wilner men and sometimes the younger Mr. Wilner does/says things that make me wonder how big an influence his grandfather and I have been upon him.
Because there are moments where I see my father in him in ways that are striking.
****
Felt a twinge in my stomach while I was lifting today and wondered if I had managed to pull something.
So I put the bar back on the rack, sat up and waited to see if it repeated. It didn’t, so I lay back down and resumed my set silently grumbling about aging.
Even after having had surgery to repair two hernias I didn’t wonder or worry about muscle pulls because it wasn’t something that was an issue, I was relatively bullet proof.
Yeah I know that sounds contradictory, but it is how I felt.
But now things are a bit different and so I respond differently more to protect myself so that I can do as I need to do.
Better to adjust and be able to keep exercising than to have to stop.
The ‘graph above about dad being checked into the hospital but not to worry reminded me of the need to do better than he did at taking care of myself.
So I do.
Not perfect, but much better than he did and if genetics don’t betray me I feel pretty good about it. Don’t know for certain what will happen but do know that sometimes you draw the joker in the deck as easily as the ace of spades.
Salami & Eggs
Had a hankering for salami and eggs for a while now but haven’t gotten a hold of a decent Kosher salami…yet.
Mentioned it to someone who said I ought make a fried baloney sandwich and told him I don’t think I have had that more than a couple of times.
Not against it, just not something I think about often and given that I am trying not to eat much fried food it is probably not high on the list, but it sounds tasty.
Got a physical coming up soon so we’ll see if the doc says I need to crack down harder or that I have made progress.
Suppose I’ll keep trying to eat more fish.
****
Got a guy who has tried to avoid discussing a few things with me by refusing to read some material I have written. I let it go for a while and when I bridged the topic he said he wasn’t sure where to find it.
I told him I would be happy resend it but reiterated twice that I am sure he wouldn’t have to search hard to find it.
He didn’t respond and I didn’t make an issue of it because it wasn’t time to do so. When an associate asked me if I was going to tolerate it I laughed.
“You can stay indoors all day and pretend the moon and sun aren’t overhead but in your heart you know damn well they are.
Putting your hands over your eyes won’t keep me from seeing you but it might give you time to consider what you will do.
And in this particular case I know 75 percent of what will happen without question. It is the last 25 percent I am uncertain about.”
They asked if those were good odds because 25 percent is large and I agreed and said it is. But I added that it makes life interesting and allows for some flexibility.
But I don’t mention that I suspect Mr. Toad is driving the car again and that I am tightening my seat belt and bracing myself.
Sometimes you have to dance in the fire and or sail through stormy seas to get to the land where the treasure lies. It is what makes life interesting.
