Took a minute between The Words You Read Versus The Words You Hear and this post you are reading now for reasons I choose not to disclose.
Got a call today that made me think of Marvin singing about how he heard it through the grapevine and shook my head.
Been a day where I thought about whether I could still rip a door to two off of the hinges and considered whether it was worth the investment in time and money to repaid whatever damage I caused.
Opted not to engage in wanton vandalism of my own home because it really wasn’t going to make me feel better but visualized it in my head and let it go.
Looked in the mirror at flecks of gray and thought about how hard I fought to get to where I am and smiled because that was an accomplishment I take great pride in.
Thought about the things that were causing turmoil in my head and how I couldn’t speak of them in direct terms so decided to mask them by using a headline which talked about you kissed me first and stuck your nose in my neck and inhaled deeply.
I get it, that is an intoxicating scent and you fear to submit to it and let the storm take you higher and higher.
Probably doesn’t matter because the fire never went out and soon it will take us and we’ll hold on as Mr. Toad drives the car at high speed down a cobblestone road.
Breathe and Breathe Again
The thing I can’t write or talk about in explicit terms irks me because it is not my fault. I am being held accountable for things outside of my control and those that ought to consult me haven’t…yet.
It feels a bit like watching storm clouds start to collect in the sky above knowing that I have to walk across a desert that offers no shelter.
So I figure if I am going to have to put on my armor and wade into the fray I’d rather do so now because I am tired of waiting.
Got a bad case of Stanley Kowalski making me want to stand outside the window screaming ‘Stella!”
But it is not like Brando blaming Charlie, because I am a contender, don’t need to prove that to anyone. It was already done.
So I am grateful that I never had to go that route or say I could have been somebody because I am.
It is what I have taught my kids, “you are somebody and if you aren’t happy with that somebody right now you can start today to change that.
If you missed out on an opportunity and it comes around again go take your shot, don’t just dance in the fire
The issue isn’t fear of what could happen or concern about what might happen. It is the waiting that chaps my hide.
It is standing in that desert waving my fist at the clouds and screaming bring it on. Because if I am going to have to go through it, well then let’s get started because that puts me one step closer to the other side.
That’s where I am going to end up, on the other side.
One way or another I am going to get there.
One way or another I am going to get my answers and I am growing tired of waiting.
