Moved from The Joshua Tree to Rattle & Hum and have been roaming through places I first visited in ’88 as I bring it all into the present.
Woke up an hour before the alarm at 4 AM and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out how I was back in my first apartment in Encino.
All 25 units were torn down at least 15 years ago and I haven’t officially lived there in about 27 years but for a moment I thought I could hear the car wash on Ventura Boulevard and other familiar noises.
Rolled out of bed to go shower and realized I hadn’t gone back in time though part of me wished I had, not just for the luxury of a 20 something year-old body but assorted benefits such as some key stock purchases.
Flash forward to the gym where I listen to Hawkmoon 269 and tear through lifting in a way I haven’t done in quite some time. For a moment it feels like I really have traveled back in time and raw power is surging through me.
Lyrics, music and the god damn bells are all going off and for a moment I am tempted to stop to focus upon it, so that I can reach inwards and look into the inner fire.
But I don’t because experience has taught me this is the sign that a door is opening and a wall is falling so I fling the weights around and live in the adrenaline rush.
Because things turn, change and evolve and then it is over.
Do You Need A Passport?
A man in the parking lot at the gym catches me as I am walking out and asks if he can speak with me about the next chapter of my life.
“Do you need a passport?”
My reply catches him off guard and he says that it is quite clever, but no, I don’t need one.
“That is too bad, because I dance in the fire and travel in places that require something more. Got to feed the soul and fire up the heart.”
That certainly catches him off guard and he sort of stammers something at me but I am not sure what because I don’t stick around to find out what it is.
Just flash him a Cheshire cat grin and move on. I have things to do and those damn bells are still ringing in my head.
Something is coming, I can feel it and have been feeling it for quite some time.
*****
“Call me woman.”
I am sitting in a golf cart under cloudy gray skies trying to figure out why some man I don’t know is waving a cell phone at me while yelling something that clearly doesn’t describe me.
Finally realize there is another cart just behind and to the side of me that has two people in it. Sure enough there is a woman in it waving her arms at the man I thought had been talking to me.
Makes me feel kind of silly so I laugh and start driving again. Got to go meet someone at one of the holes to have a quick conversation about a couple of things.
They want to know if I plan on playing and I laugh.
“Nope, I am more interested in seeing how far I can hit the ball. Besides if I let myself get into this game it will take up way too much of my time.”
Remember This
“Josh took one for the team today, we’re even now.”
The words echo in my ears as I drive away and consider the truth of it. It is a fair assessment and I hear myself explain to someone else that I am fearless about some things.
“Fortune does favor the bold and sometimes you have to run and roll with it.”
I believe it to be true but I also have the scars that come with blazing a trail where none exists and am wondering what taking one for the team will mean.
Hours later in a different place acting in a different role I tell the younger Mr. Wilner that if gets to understand and appreciate the quote above it will take him to some remarkable places worth visiting.
“Sometimes when lightning strikes the electric shock is worth all that comes with it.”
