I had expected the telemarketer to be some kind of scammer who would tell me some screwy story they hoped would cause me to pay for their help but it wasn’t.
Or maybe it was and I didn’t recognize it as such because they said they were with the something something organization to help America or Americans.
Not really sure because I wasn’t listening carefully but when they asked me if I could tell them what I did for a living I had a story for them.
“I used to sell bottles of testicle sweat online as a cure low testosterone and other ailments but I had to give it up because the smell doesn’t wash off very easily.”
The long pause that followed almost received a thank you from me because I barely managed to mute the line before I started laughing.
Listened to the guy sort of mumble something and then I told him I was also the lead teacher of a love letter class.
“Listen to this, when you think of me know that I am thinking of you. I would have called or emailed but I took your silence to indicate you need space and have intentionally been quiet. However, I have sent you a spare bottle of T1 Sauce because that is a known cure for many things.”
There was another pause and the guy started to respond when I cut him off and asked him if he thought T1 Sauce was a good name for bottle testicle sweat.
“It has to be better than Worcestershire sauce. Most people can’t say it, let alone spell it and every Dick tells his Jane that A1 is the best name ever.”
Sadly the line went dead so I can’t tell you what he thought or if it was a legitimate cause. Hell, if they recorded that call for training and quality assurance purposes I might be immortalized.
You never know.
Tick-Tocking The Days Away
I imagine some of those call center people sitting in a cubicle inside a white room with fluorescent lighting in a room that feels as sterile as an operating room.
If it was me I’d be tick-tocking the days away and I don’t mean spending time on an app watching people slap each other with a tortilla.
There is a better chance you’d film me doing the slapping or engaged in some other shenanigans.
Bad things happen when I am not in a place where my mind is stimulated. Fortunately I am adept at finding ways to stay stimulated so some of the potential issues are mitigated by that.
Side note, my son says I might not want to say that I like staying stimulated because it sounds bed and I say he is wrong.
“Kid, when you are 53 and you say you stay stimulated you get a line of men and women who want to know your secret.”
And yes, that did make him groan and ask why I had to make it weird to which I answered, “because I can.”
It is a ridiculous answer and I own it. I spend copious amounts of time engaged in serious thought and contemplation about all sorts of stuff.
People have got to know how to let go and get silly sometimes.
That reminds me that I read an article about one of my old journalism professors and a dispute he is having with some of his editors about an investigative piece he wrote. Turns out this guy won a Pulitzer a few years ago as well.
Anyhoo, it was an interesting piece and I thought it was kind of neat to know that one of my own teachers won such a prestigious award.
In a related note there is another moment from my college journalism days that jumped out at me.
Shaun Mathers of the L.A. County Sheriff’s department gave a presentation the topic of which isn’t relevant here.
The reason I thought about is he is the younger brother of Beaver Cleaver, known in real life as Jerry Mathers.
Given the recent death of Tony Dow and my children’s complete unfamiliarity with Leave it to Beaver it jumped out at me.
The kids don’t need to know or be familiar with every little thing from my childhood, especially since technically Leave It To Beaver had been off the air for a chunk of years before I was born.
But I saw plenty of reruns so I am very familiar with it and so it is another pop culture moment that sticks with me.
That reminds me that occasionally when the kids say something about going to bed I’ll shout “Goodnight John Boy.”
I have explained it more than once but they don’t really appreciate it and I get it. And should Richard Thomas appear in something we’re watching I always tell them “Look it is John Boy” but I don’t think that holds particular interest for them either.
No complaints, I have my own list of things my folks did too.
“Yes mom, it is a living list which means I still add to it. ;)”
