The boys and I once sat around composing a list of things not to read on your anniversary or maybe it was things not to say on your anniversary.
It happened so damn long ago I can’t quite remember but I can’t say I am trying to either.
Wouldn’t be hard to recreate such a list if I was interested in doing so as it is low hanging fruit, similar to what happens to men after 55 or so I have heard.
Anyhoo, I think I have written around 15,000 words or so the last few days so I don’t expect to do much with this tonight.
Was a long Monday and sometimes the crap you see online just irritates you and there is no reason to wade in it more than you need to.
There is only so much hate you can push through before it chaps your hide a bit and my hide is a little raw.
I didn’t realize how raw until I started to type a congratulatory greeting and I realized it had a pretty serious edge to it.
So I said nothing and walked away.
Reminded me about telling my son about a few times I stopped acknowledging people. Sometimes the silence is so loud all they hear is shouting.
Sometimes things that make us feel the most alive can also be the things that make us the most upset.
Sometimes the best you can do is acknowledge that you’re stumbling through life like a person who has had one too many drinks.
You’re not drunk but you know you are not really stone cold sober either. Given particular circumstances you can find yourself amused or irritated by your surroundings.
Both hit me today at various times…more than once.
I saw a picture that set me off. The what and why don’t matter because it wasn’t a logical or rational response.
We feel what we feel.
I let it wash over and through me and then it no longer bothered me because it all seemed ridiculous, the picture and my feelings.
For a long while I was amused by the swing in perception and then I wasn’t amused anymore.
The feelings of irritation came back and I sat with them. Looked in the mirror and dared them to embrace me, sometimes that is what you do when you dance in the fire.
And after a bit it washed over and through me and I was amused by it all again.
Looked in the mirror and smiled, “ya beat it. Enjoy your moment of peace and recharge your batteries.”
That was the thing, I acknowledged what upset me and why and that was enough. Doesn’t always work but sometimes it does and when that happens the trick is ride that wave until it breaks upon the shore and you cannot ride it any longer.
I am not part of the Apple cult, but I do agree with Jobs on some things.
I probably need to watch Randy Pausch’s last lecture again. I have blogged about him before but it has been quite some time.
Long enough that I had forgotten that he and Dad both died from pancreatic cancer, though my father and us got the better deal.
Dad made it into his seventies and Randy didn’t get to 50.
So while I will say that almost 75 is still far too young Dad saw all of kids become adults and got to know all of us his grandchildren.
Not as well and for as long as we might have liked but life doesn’t give you as many choices as we might like sometimes.
Anyway, the point here is it reminds again as Jobs does of the importance of living a life that his honest to yourself.
We only get one shot at this so we need to be particular about when and where we settle.
That is all I have for you here…for now.
