There were no imminent plans to write tonight because I had other things on my mind but something compelled me to come back to the computer.
Maybe it is for the one sided conversation with my number one fan because there are opportunities here and elsewhere to speak in ways that some might call unconventional and others would describe as very familiar.
Operating on nothing but instinct it is fair to say I saw the cliff and took a running leap off and didn’t worry about whether I would develop wings or fall.
It is a learn how to fly or die kind of move and if that makes me reckless, than so be it.
Got The Who playing on my phone and Daltrey screaming Who The Fuck Are You in my ear. It’s a question that is relevant to others besides myself, maybe even my number one fan because we are not just one thing.
Wasn’t long ago that someone called me Joshua and another called me Dad which is fair because I am both.
Kind of funny because there are few people who know me and call me by full name and fewer who I will respond to.
Four or five supervisors ago I was instructed to allow myself to be coachable.
“Josh, you’re not like XXX. He is really coachable and you’re less so.”
“He is 27 and has almost no work experience. I am 20 years older and have 25 years more experience doing this. My numbers are better in almost every measurable way. I can do everything he does and things he can’t. But he is better at something than I am.”
“And what would that be?’
“He is better at not questioning orders and blindly following instructions.’
For a moment we stare at each other and then comes the move I expect, the other party stands. I smile and hold my position.
He is seven inches taller than I am and often tries to use his height to his advantage but we’re not on a basketball court or engaged in any sort of activity in which the size matters.
But I am a gamer, fighter and pusher of buttons so I ask him if he has noticed my hand is almost as big as his.
“I am open to being coached but I do better with comments and criticism that is applicable. Don’t compare me to that guy. He is very good at many things and will be stellar, but he isn’t me and we both know it.”
The other guy doesn’t know that I have just returned to LA after a trip to Texas for what I expect is a final interview and that I expect to get an offer.
It is an offer that never materializes and all these years later I laugh thinking about how I ended up back in Texas anyway.
Different role. Different company, but back in Texas as if destiny wouldn’t be messed with.
Later on I’ll think about whether I would have pushed my luck if I had felt like I had no other options and conclude the experience proved I am coachable but maybe not as that guy had hoped.
I learned more about what lines I could cross if necessary and made a mental note to do a better job of looking like I was open to advice.
It was a good lesson and a reminder that when you are confident in your abilities you can listen.
Got Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell singing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough and getting ready to move onto You’re All I Need To Get By with the hint of sunshine on my back and visions of what was and what is.
Lips curving on my face in that way that makes people wonder if I am smirking or about to get into trouble and a chuckle rumbling from deep within.
It is time to wrap this up and work on other writings or focus on other things.
Some people bring out your best, some bring out your worst and some fall in between. The changes keep coming and the only way you figure out what works is to keep jumping off those cliffs and splashing in those puddles or something like that.
