The brave writers put their hearts on the page and accept their words may go unanswered but still pray they are heard.
That’s not an easy task because you have to accept silence isn’t an answer but understand it might be.
Some might call it wisdom gained from experience and declare it one of the gifts of Chanukah but I am not so sure.
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I was a younger man when I chose to open Pandora’s box to see what lay inside.
The discovery started a fire that has stayed with me to this day. Sometimes I think I have become accustomed to the heat and then it reminds me…I haven’t.
A certain tolerance has developed but it isn’t capable of preventing from feeling the heat. I can ignore it for a while, push it down and into the background but it always comes back.
Maybe it is because what discovered reminded me of something that was missing and the discovery filled that void.
Been two solid years since my last physical and my last colonoscopy. Beginning to think I might need to do something about both.
There are things going on that might be normal and not remotely unusual, especially in a year like 2020 but then again, 2020 has a way of fooling us.
The GI found some benign polyps last time and said there was nothing to worry about.
“Mr. Wilner, I am not concerned about it but I like being proactive. Instead of five years let’s bring you back in three.”
If I go that route I have about 10 months or so. Could be more, could be less. Not excited about it, but if it provides clarity on how to solve some things or prevents another I’ll be good with it.
In the interim on the second night of Chanukah I am about to draw a bath and soak, not because I am particularly fond of baths after midnight or any other time, but because they do a nice job of helping to settle things down.
So what the hell, maybe it will provide clarity in other areas and if not it ought to provide some relief and that is a gift in itself.
Might be the only gift I get this time around and I am good with that. Don’t require much and if I learned anything from opening that damn box things don’t always go as planned or on my schedule.
Could be far worse though, could be far worse.
