My friend Gary is in a hospital in Colorado and they don’t expect him to leave so I am sitting here listening to The Grateful Dead thinking about the last 35 years or so.
Gary would appreciate the music and I do too but I don’t claim to be as big a fan of the dead as him and am sorry to say I haven’t seen him in person in four years,
But thanks to Corona I have seen him via Zoom almost every week for the last six months or so not to mention years of Facebook.
Cancer snuck up on him a few years back so this day isn’t unexpected but I’d be lying if I said we’re not hoping for him to rally.
His wife says the docs give no reason for such hope and so we’re stuck with the hard truth.
I check Facebook periodically and wonder if I’ll be able to sleep or if it will be another one of those nights.
Wrote stuff all over the place last night, might be like that again tonight.
Been trying to quiet my mind and relax for hours but I can’t quite do it. Flipped between the Dodgers and Lakers, listened to part of Woodward’s book Rage on Audible and thought again about life can turn on a dime.
Gary isn’t that much older than I am which means he is far too young, though I teased him often about looking good for 84 he still has some years before 60.
So here I am again thinking about the road ahead and wondering just how much time is left to see it.
Thinking about how to let time and opportunity be wasted but not make ridiculous decisions that mortgage the future I could see/experience because of the fear of what if.
Can’t quite relax. Can’t quite get comfortable.
Got some work stuff that sort of excites me but also makes me a bit nervous. Reaching outside of my comfort zone to make some things happen because sometimes we need to create our own opportunities.
The Weight Of Five Years
Went looking through some pictures to find some shots of Gary to share and stumbled through pictures of myself that are only five years old and shook my head.
The difference is dramatic.
You can see the impact of the weight of the last five years and though there have been huge successes it is clear they came with a price.
A price I would pay again but I would be lying if I said I would do everything the same way because it is not true. I would not. I would change a bunch of things but hindsight is twenty-twenty so though I want to say I would make different choices it is possible I might not.
You don’t know what you don’t know and if you get punched in the mouth with a situation you had no idea was coming you can’t for certain how you would respond.
So here I am, reflecting on the impact of lessons learned and thinking about how to best apply those to the future.
Not everyone gets the gift to get another chance and another day, don’t want to misuse mine.
That is a hard truth but an important one and I will apply it.
