When Heartburn Meets Heartache

Gary died yesterday and it doesn’t feel real but I am not surprised because Dad’s death doesn’t always feel real to me and I spent time with his body after he died.

Doesn’t mean I don’t know Dad is gone because I do, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it and I expect my phone to ring or make a mental note to call him.

Don’t have to close my eyes to remember Dad saying the body without a neshama is just a shell and not to be afraid.

I wasn’t scared but I was careful to hold his hand one last time while his body was still warm and to not take it after some time had passed. Shell or not I figured my last memory of holding his hand should be with the feeling of warmth.

Anyhoo, I don’t think Gary knew this trip to the hospital would be his last or if he did he didn’t say anything to me and that is ok, there is no obligation.

But I would have been happy to have lent whatever support I could.

So let’s go back to the assumption he didn’t know and be reminded that life can turn on a dime and instead of having a long runway to work with you might have far less.

Dancing With The Queen

Sometimes you look back upon the old apartments you occupied and think about dancing with the queen because for a moment you need to check out of the daily grind and suckle upon the sweet honey of the past.

It is not somewhere you can live because the present is of paramount importance but you need to find strength where you can and what you find in the past can sometimes sustain you into the present.

Especially in a time of chaos and way too much togetherness where you are reminded of what you don’t need or want and focus upon what serves and sustains you now.

Because the question of how much runway you have to work with is always present but highlighted because of Gary. Maybe that is a gift that you can take from him.

Don’t mistake that to mean it is a gift that he is gone because that certainly isn’t because it is a tragic event but even tragic events can offer life lessons.

And if you can get one last meaningful lesson out of a friend it is a gift worth receiving.

So I thought for a few minutes here and there today about doing that thing people call “speaking their truth.” You know it is the moment you tell someone or the world how you really feel.

You speak “your truth” and hope that others accept and appreciate it.

Though I must confess that when some people have tried to force their truth upon me .I haven’t always been responsive in a way they would appreciate.

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I keep coming back to the same spaces and places about spending time with people who fill our hearts and nourish our souls.

People who we trust for no good reason other than we simply know things about them and us. You know the people who don’t make you question why you like or trust them because you simply do.

Could be chemical, could be fate or something else but it doesn’t really matter because it simply is and that is enough.

More Than A Taste

Some settle for just a taste, but not me. I want more.

When heartburn meets heartache you can recoil in pain and maybe revulsion (I’m looking at who some of you support) or you can take a different path.

Don’t know how much runway I get, but these wings can’t be clipped, too much to do and too many adventures that need an adventurer to walk through the secret gardens.