Siting in my car, staring out the window at the sign for Gloria’s, watching cars and people go by it is hard not to get lost.
Lost in memories and thoughts about a million different things.
“What kind of vacation is this?”
There is no one in the car with me so the question is left hanging.
A woman walks in front of my car and I stare at her for a moment, not because she has to be close to 6 feet tall but because she is gesturing so aggressively it is impossible not to wonder what the person on the other side of that phone call is saying.
In a moment I’ll get out of the car and walk into the Old Town Meat Market and see if there is a steak begging to be cooked for Labor Day.
But first I’ll think about a work email I shouldn’t have looked at because I am on vacation and while I think about whether to respond I’ll get caught staring by the Amazon.
She is glaring at me but I don’t flinch, she chose to stand in front of the car and frankly she reminds me of Big Bird so there is no interest on my end.
Somewhere in the middle of the moment I flip back to the thoughts about the new relative and questions surrounding a family mystery.
We all have our secrets and some are bigger than others. Some we never share and some we reveal to just a few.
I feel like I know more about this one than I initially thought because there is this feeling that it was discussed.
A sense that within the last 18 years or so there was a moment with the oldest Wilner men in which we talked about it.
The more I think about it the more certain I am that I knew about this and had forgotten because there are more than a few ships that lifted anchor and set sail in memory.
Sometimes because it wasn’t particularly interesting and sometimes because the story wasn’t mine to share and I let go of the lines that tethered it to the dock knowing I wouldn’t ever worry about sharing what I had forgotten.
I know them well, been hanging around for reasons that might not make sense to anyone else or maybe they will.
If I haven’t walked them all it doesn’t matter, because eventually I will.
Got no particular reason to say it, not Pasqualina, the Magic 8 Ball or some gypsy lady selling Love Potion Number 9.
It is just what I believe and that is enough for me because I’ll find out one way or another what it all means.
My dreams have been exceptional and vivid.
I wake up remembering who I was speaking with and what we were talking about. Sometimes I still smell the perfume and sometimes I smell the cologne.
Haven’t spent much time trying to figure out the reasons why because I think I know and even if I am wrong it doesn’t matter because I am doing what I need to do.
Dad asked me in one of them if I was focused upon the past or the present and I said I live now and look ahead.
He smiled and then I woke up.