Sometimes you sing the medley of a a very smart man and walk under the deepest blue skies you can find during daylight and know someone would take your hand and join you.
It is not a question of if but an absolute certainty and there is no point served in discussing or debating it because somethings simply are.
There are limitations to what science can measure and the heart isn’t 0ne of them doesn’t matter if you are the queen of low expectations or the king of foolish faith.
Sometimes I think about how much is missed in these posts by those who cannot connect and can only do so with long and detailed explanations they will never be given.
Would a soundtrack and video help illuminate the path in the darkness or do not a damn thing at all.
Don’t know, can’t know if you are the phantom of your own opera or the hero on his journey. Ride out and live so that you may discover if you hide in the bell tower or can secure mastery of a castle and secret garden.
Quiet conversation during a long walk pulls in questions about the past and someone asks if I have ever thought about how many would have started a family with me.
“Once or twice I have mulled over that aspect but generally haven’t given much thought to it unless it is for the purpose of writing a story.
What is to be gained by such a thing?
It is like asking me to answer whether I should have made aliyah when I had started planning it. Life would be different in so many ways.
I would have been a soldier and my children would have been soldiers too, but those I know now wouldn’t be mine and how could I think to change that.
At best I can consider additions but again that is a different line of thought.”
The voice goes silent and then asks if I really feel that way because I could have been so different.
“Who are you? Who are we? I am clearly more myself than I have ever been but I am not who I used to be.
You could take some who knew me well long ago and though they would recognize and know me they wouldn’t know all of me.
But that is a good thing because a fifty-something year-old man shouldn’t be exactly the same as he was at 16, 21 or 35
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is going to be a big day and I have worked hard to prepare for it. Worked to put things together so that I do better than stumble through the field.
Some have said not to worry and promised I’ll manage and I have told them all they are correct.
I never doubt my ability to manage but sometimes you want better than manage. Sometimes you want to feel like you are handling the situation like a rag doll in your hand.
You want to know that even if you cannot control it all you can exert a significant amount of influence upon the moment so that no matter what happens you walk away knowing you gave it all you had.
Twice today I was ready to climb out of my skin because I got that tingly sensation I always get when I know something is going to go my way.
I sensed it, felt it, touched it and smelled it.
But I haven’t yet learned how to manipulate time so I have to wait and hope the work I have done is enough and cross my fingers so that one nameless, indescribable thing joins me.
So wish me luck, blow me a kiss or shoot the dice for me.
Tomorrow I’ll suit up and march out on that field and it will be game on. Win or lose, I will play hard and I will be relentless.
When Friday evening rolls around and I finally mask up I will close my eyes knowing I did my best, hopefully it is good enough for me to go to sleep hearing the medley of a very smart man.
