He asks me what I have done to my voice and I cock my head to the side and stare at him.
“There is a rumble I didn’t notice before. Are you trying to imitate Barry White?”
“Oh, I got it. Sometimes this happens early in the morning when I haven’t spoken much. It doesn’t usually last.”
“You’re lucky, my voice is kind of squeaky.”
I shrug my shoulders because I don’t want to agree with him because he might take it personally but I know my face probably gives me away.
“Got to run, I have to be in Dallas soon.”
That isn’t true. I have to be there but not until the afternoon. It is a harmless tale that gets me out of his office and on my way to Target.
Got to run in and out there is no time for screwing around today.
“Put it in your mouth. I said, PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH!”
I walk around the aisle and see a father trying to win a battle of wills with a kid who looks like he is about three.
“Keep the faith brother, dad’s rock.”
He smiles and we high five each other as I roll by.
Who Do You Run To?
An old friend and I are on the phone comparing notes about life at 50, kids and what it means to be without a father.
We share our thoughts about the world and it is current state of chaos and whether it is “that bad” or not.
“Sometimes I think it is really awful and sometimes I think we’re going to weather this storm because it is what we do. Got no options.”
He laughs and tells me not to worry because I always manage. I tell him it is all I know but I don’t share all of the weight I feel on my shoulders.
Don’t tell him about the bells I hear or three other things I could. Some things aren’t so easily voiced and I am built to manage or so I think.
He reminds me I have people to lean on and I thank him.
“I appreciate it.”
There is a short list of people who might hear what lies beneath the surface but it is not common because I tend not to say much unless asked or really in need.
And even if I am asked, I won’t answer if I don’t think you need to know or are doing so just to be polite.
I get quieter as I get older and having spent a significant amount of time alone I have grown accustomed to keeping my own counsel about many things, especially if there isn’t much that can be done.
Still I hope that the important people know I am available to listen.
Music Break
Sometimes I think about the nonsense here and play around with just picking up and leaving. Could follow my uncle’s path and head off to be a monk in Japan.
Could go build a shack on some island in the Caribbean and sell fish tacos to tourists and take them sailing on a charter.
Or maybe go be a smuggler somewhere else and have a ton of adventures that I’ll one day write about in an almost best selling book.
Hell I could go around looking at some people and forcefully saying “put it in your mouth” but it probably won’t be considered particularly cute so maybe that is a bad idea.
Or maybe it needs a song like Come Monday tied into it.
*****
Sometimes I think about how easy it is to stay in touch now and how we are constantly connected and wonder if that is a good thing.
Mentioned this thought to a friend who questioned whether I could give up Facebook and blogging and I said Facebook could probably go.
“It is a habit going on there and I post a lot of ridiculous shit for fun. But I could probably let go of it. Blogging is different. I went for years without doing any real writing and once I started again I began to remember who I am.
The hardest part of giving up Facebook would be writing related. I test shit out there all the time. Post something silly or serious and see how it play and than make mental notes.”
“Dude, I don’t think you could do it.”
“Don’t try to bait me because you know damn well I can do almost anything I set my mind to that doesn’t have some ridiculous component. This isn’t asking me to dunk a ball, lift a thousand pounds or any sort of physical thing.
This is delete the app from your phone and don’t go via computer. Could be interesting, but I bet some people would be irritated if they couldn’t see what I was doing. They might actually have to call.”
Been interrupted two or 92 times as I have been writing so this has been an exercise in trying to weave a coherent piece together.
Played around with nuking it, starting over or waiting for quiet and decided to push through for the purpose of working upon the craft under more challenging circumstances.
Forgot to mention that 0ne other purpose of sticking around Facebook is the fodder it provides for material for this joint.
Not that I can’t come up with it on my own, but it doesn’t hurt to take advantage of 0pportunities now does it.
Got more to do and say but I think it is time to pull out the notebook and see what I left there and figure out whether it belongs here or elsewhere.
