The camera reminds me of pictures of what is, what was and ideas about what could be.
Got moments of exhaustion from fighting the same battles over and over with little to show for other than more lines on my face, less hair and frustration.
But there are moments where I don’t feel locked into the negative and see proof that giving all I had has done something to turn things.
Moments where I think maybe I am closer to moving into the next chapter with a smile because I accomplished what I set out to.
It is harder to measure because there is chaos all around and the storms obscure our vision and make it harder to envision some changes in a way that allows for the kind of outcome one might hope.
Some of it is because the village idiots of the world have escaped and found their way to each other like lost lovers.
That is not how it is supposed to do and maybe not how it really is, but sometimes it feels like it.
Been wondering and thinking again about social media and whether we get real insight into how people feel, think and believe or if it is distorted view.
In some cases I am confident we aren’t getting real talk, we are getting dipped in a cesspool of disgust.
And then I see signs of hope that push my perspective a different way.
Today a friend lost his wife and I have seen an outpouring of support for him and his family. I saw something similar a few weeks ago when a different friend lost his wife.
What it reminds me is that my challenges and I have many aren’t as big as the ones they are facing.
That doesn’t mean mine are insignificant because they aren’t, but some of them are things I can exert influence over.
Still the hardest ones are soaked in heartbreak and I can’t do any more than I have done to push them the right way.
All I can do is try not to let them make me suffer and keep going forward.
So I suppose I’ll keep writing as I have been doing, all over and everywhere and push harder to change myself physically.
After that it is gone and whatever happens….happens.