I heard they cremated an old friend who died far too young and I told those who might have influence upon my future to never do such a thing to me.
Said it to the children and to others, including those who might be good at eating ketchup, “don’t burn my body…ever. I’d rather be thrown in a dumpster than be burned.”
Thought about my friend and the horrible position his family and kids were put in and repeated myself because it is that important to me, what others do is their choice, but do not burn me unless you truly want to see me come back for you.
Thought about death for a while longer and how in some ways my thoughts have changed and my attitude reflects that of my father because there are a whole lot of things I don’t care about because I’ll be dead.
But not this, not this and so we move the conversation to the happy places.
The Happy Places
Tomorrow I’ll head out to Roanoke and Trophy Club and then shoot down 35 into Fort Worth heading towards Weatherford.
Somewhere along the way I’ll drive by my first apartment in Texas and when I do I’ll stop and smile for it holds some of my favorite memories.
I heard someone say they are a collector of people and as I teased them about being so very popular I laughed because people have upon occasion said that about me.
You wouldn’t think of such a thing in Texas where I don’t know nearly as many people as I do in Los Angeles. You don’t see me run into people I know all over town the way it happens there and I kind of like that.
There is joy in anonymity and starting over.
That apartment is where much of who and what I am now began. It is where I figured out a bunch of shit and recognized some of what I gained and some of what I lost.
Goals For Living
Less than a week remains before I cross over the half century remark and the closer I get the more certain I become of certain things.
That Sparks quote above catches my eye because it makes sense to me.
We hear people talk about making a difference in the world and doing our part to make it better than we found it and in some ways that effort is more important now than ever.
The goal of making the world better is sometimes conflated with fame. I have heard more than a few people say they want to be famous because they want to be remembered but I don’t know if I remember them saying they want to be remembered for making life better.
I don’t need fame and I am not sure that I would want it.
I like being able to go out and do what I want without fear of paparazzi or fans following me. I like just living and if you ask me I’ll say that loving and being loved like that would make the world a better place.
Now you can argue that bad people could find themselves in such a position and I’ll say you are right, it is possible and maybe it has happened.
But I am a believer in people and that while there are plenty of bad there are also plenty of good.
And if you have that kind of relationship you have touched the face of god and there is a damn good chance that somewhere in your joy you have done something for someone and maybe some others that has made the weather a little warmer and the sun a little brighter.
You have helped to change the world and you may not ever know whether it was in a tiny and insignificant way or something powerful.
Take A Ride
Been tooling around a bit in the old ride and seeing the sights. Been updating, cleaning and clearing out spaces and places.
Cuz the last days of the forties have been filled with challenges and moments where I have felt worn out and exhausted. I know it is not just me, some have come looking for me.
Some have wandered in and acted like they might need me to carry them but since they haven’t asked I haven’t offered. Maybe it is because a few times I know the only reason I got from A to B is because I am strong willed. Wanted to just lie down and say enough is enough, but I am not particularly good at that.
So I didn’t.
Told the guy in the mirror that we have got this and if it doens’t work, well than I don’t know what we’ll do.
Can’t worry.
Won’t worry.
Warmed up the old car in the garage and went to visit Jack and the gang. Got those random thoughts and ideas about how and what could be.
Didn’t forget what is but didn’t let that stop me.
Dream big, life starts at 50 or so people keep saying to me. My old friend won’t get to figure that out, he pulled the Joker out of the deck, but me, well I march to the beat of a drummer with no rhythm but I keep marching.
