I asked Jim to sing with me or maybe he asked me, hell if I can remember and we did our duet…sort of.
You see I let him sing out loud and I just mouthed the words and pointed them in the general direction of another soul as one does when one is silently singing with a dead man.
You see I thought of a moment that might have happened 5 years ago or maybe it was 10 or 15.
Somebody looked me in the eye and said “I just want to spend time with you.”
I didn’t have to nod my head or say anything because my eyes and smile made it obvious or so I am certain of. Not that I could see myself but more than a few have said it is obvious when I feel a particular way, be it happy, sad, angry or indifferent.
Now I could outline and illustrate things in more detailed and specific terms but why do that when you are certain of something but won’t say it because it sounds crazy.
Why speak when you’ll be called nuts and or unhinged when you know damn well that you aren’t the only one hearing the fucking bells.
You can say submit or you can just go about your business until the signpost is no longer up ahead but next to you.
At that point you can flip the turn signal right or left of maybe turn on the hazards because it is about to get…hot.
The People We Choose
A life worth living is about the people we choose not just in the time that was or the time that is but in the time that will come.
It is about taking a moment to say we aren’t going to just settle for what might be easy and convenient because we know we deserve better and can do so.
Sometimes it is because we have wandered through Eden and partaken of the apple and sometimes because we stumbled upon a giant chalkboard filled with equations and formulas that were solvable but only with the help of a particular and specific other.
If we were lucky we recognized them for who they were and took action, but it didn’t always work that way.
Sometimes we saw them standing 20 feet away but ign0red them because it was easier and or safer. Sometimes we heard the whispers and looked up and waited.
We stared at the phone certain it would ring, buzz or ding and that they would catch us at the perfect time and say the perfect thing that allowed us to set aside fear and worry.
That one perfect expression would assuage all concern, cover all guilt and transport us from here into that place we always hoped to be,
It is and was the most illogical and irrational desire for what we hoped would move from dream to reality.
Except sometimes fantasy says “fuck you” to hopes and dreams not because it wishes to remain impossible or unattainable but because the magic requires a catalyst to move from intangible to tangible.
You can’t just walk around and giggle with your friends about the person with nice shoes.
Sometimes you have to do more than mutter you love the fucking red and the fucking blue dress. You have to grab them by the shoulders, look them in the eye and speak.
The magic will do the rest, but only if you hold the match.
I haven’t spent enough time breaking themes to decide which one make this blog sing the song I want you to hear.
Haven’t had the clarity of vision to figure it out the way I want to understand it, so I am flailing around a bit.
One of the more recent doctor’s visits led to some important changes and I am starting to feel the effects. It is a positive change that I almost fear writing about.
Why?
Because superstition leads me to be cautious about saying such things before I receive confirmation.
It reminds me of the girl who would never say ‘I love you first’ because it was safer.
Sometimes safer is the way to go, makes for fewer issues…sometimes.
But then again if you are trying to do more than grab the brass ring you have to reach a little farther and a little big higher.
Part of me is hesitant to do so because it is easy to convince ourselves that one thing or another is good enough, even when it falls short of that.
Sometimes you draw a line in the sand and take the hard look at what could be and what is because what could be is worth exploring.
Or so it seems as I test 938 different blog themes.
