Fanfare for the Common Man doesn’t lend itself to the swirling emotions of confusion and uncertainty.
It is more likely to move you to take action and make a move which is something I can get behind because I usually find some relief in movement.
But the benefit of age and maturity is an understanding in the value of looking before you leap which is why I find myself preparing to take a walk with the hope I’ll discover answers or insight to some key questions.
Yeah, it is a different sort of Mother’s Day for me, one spent alone while my children are helping their mother and grandmothers celebrate the day.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t get any angry telephone calls later on about how they helped make the day less than enjoyable.
That is not typical, but we aren’t in the middle of typical times.
A Different Kind of Mother’s Day
I told a certain teenage son of mine that I understood the day might not be one he particularly enjoys and gave him the usual reminder that he is lucky in many ways.
That is because I know friends and family who find the day challenging for a wide range of reasons.
There are mothers who have lost children and women who have had trouble becoming mothers and then there are those who have lost their mothers.
I recognize that in the midst of a lot of big changes it is more challenging to appreciate some of that.
Especially given the state of overwhelm I am facing, because the storm is hitting me from every direction and there isn’t really a port to seek refuge in.
Forty or so years ago I would have looked for mommy and daddy to help navigate some of this, but that is not an option.
Not because I can’t ask for help but because this particular path is mine to walk upon and they can’t go where I am going or do what I am doing.
This is all me, and I am the only one who can do it.
And though the state of overwhelm feels a lot like a giant iceberg that is going to sheer a hole in the side of my vessel I choose to picture it as a wave.
I’ll take a deep breath and let that sucker wash over me and then it will be gone.
Hearts and Souls
The aforementioned teenager and I had a long conversation while he was here about making smart decisions.
Some of it was kind of funny because by nature he is far more cautious than I am but I do have a certain amount of life experience I can draw upon that he doesn’t yet have.
But he is also very much like me and relies far more upon gut feelings and instinct to make decisions than he likes to admit.
I used to be more like that but have learned that letting heart and soul guide me a little bit more lends itself to a much happier Josh.
Blame it upon a better understanding about how little control we have over many things. Sometimes bad people have good luck and sometimes good people have bad luck.
Ideally you learn how to roll with whatever comes your way because some things can’t be planned for avoided.
That being said I am a big fan of resisting much and obeying little.
I do my best to go along and get along while following that song in my heart and doing things that make my soul sing.
Of course there are moments where I feel like everywhere I turn O Fortuna is playing and there is some guy with a pitchfork, horns and a tail trying to make trouble for me.
A Musical Comeback
Typically I like to tell Old Scratch to back off or find that pitchfork shoved so far up his devil ass it will impale his tongue.
But occasionally that doesn’t work and I have to find other music to move him along.
In my world I turn to Tchaikovsky because that 1812 overture of his makes it impossible to stay in a funk.
Nothing like cannons to make a boy feel like he has some power to help move the opposition along.
Confession: I have a love/hate relationship with them…cannons that is.
Ma and Pa Wilner tell me that when I was a baby sirens and vacuum cleaners used to make me cry.
They don’t make me cry now, but sometimes they do sort of rattle my nerves.
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Got to run now ‘cuz that aforementioned life experience has taught me that any time I have trouble focusing for long it means overload is coming and exercise is required.
Put a fork in me, I am done. 🙂
