Toby Keith is singing As Good As I Once Was and I am staring at the headline thinking about how some people will be upset by the lack of punctuation.
The momentary musing serves as a good excuse to hold off on vacuuming my place not because I am lazy but because for 47 years that sound has made me crazy.
I don’t cry like I did when I was a baby but something about it grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.
So join me for a moment and take a walk through the scary desert that lies between my ears.
If you like you can start by watching the video below and know I relate to some of it, but not all.
“I ain’t as good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was
Maybe not be good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was”
I am not ready to say something as foolish as I am as good once as I ever was because I know I have a lot more left in me.
Why?
Because I know things and given the opportunity I’d step right into that secret world and prove it.
Don’t care if anyone else believes or understands because sometimes you have to have your own thing.
What If It’s Meant To Be
Been walking about 5 miles each day and never miss a day of lifting but this well traveled body hasn’t quite figured out what to do about it.
I look in the mirror and see there is still more of me in places I don’t like but definition growing where I want and I wonder what I am required to do to get things to where I want them to be.
Stare at the wall and wonder if I ought to go buy a new heavy bag and some gloves because I miss working out on the bag.
Lost in thought I think about my friends who push me to join a Crossfit gym and wonder if it is as much fun as it looks.
Still wandering and wondering I play around with getting back into swimming and think about whether there is a Master’s program around here that I can join.
Structured workouts and competition would be good. All I need is to give in to the pain of six months of training to get into shape to train again.
Might take less time to get back to where I need to be, might find muscle memory that was built thirty some years ago responds faster than expected.
Could be the foundation I built during all those years of swim team helps me exceed expectations.
Might be the limitations I see only exist inside my head.
Hell, I am certain that is what has held me back from somethings and that my unwillingness to acknowledge them in other areas is why I had success.
Some of us don’t like the things we can’t touch and feel because tangible is easier to accept than intangible.
I know, because I used to be that way and sometimes I still am.
Sometimes I have to work twice as hard to push by fear and get to the other side to see what lies in the middle of the cornfield.
What if it is meant to be.
F*ck That
The hardest part about being 47 is looking back at some of the choices I made and recognizing that I should have gone with my gut.
It is looking back and knowing that when fear made me doubt myself I should have taken little bastard by the throat and squeezed the life out of it.
There is a reason why I have gorilla hands and it is not just for opening jars or hanging off of the damn cliff.
Because I can look at times when fear showed up and I laughed and pushed by it and see a long list of success.
Sometimes it is hard not to want to be 25 and do some things differently, to grab that kid and shake him.
But I know exactly where I am and how I got here. I know exactly how old I am and have been told more times than I can count what I can and cannot do.
F*ck that.
I refuse to accept, doubt or listen and am going to to push ahead because I can’t go back.
Doesn’t mean I won’t discover I was or am wrong about somethings but life isn’t an either/or proposition.
Being right or wrong about some stuff doesn’t mean I am right or wrong about them all.
You win some, you lose some.
And if I am going to be true to myself I am going to push with all I have got to figure out what is what.
There is no reward worth earning that doesn’t involve a little bit of risk, now is there.
So when you get to the intersection of impossible and possible you have to be willing to push ahead to see if you turn possibility into opportunity.
All it takes is time and effort and I have both on my side.
That is how you answer what if it is meant to be, by working hard and by being the captain of your destiny.
