What If June Can’t Stop Watching Johnny

The Substack is beginning to take off and I am working hard on determining where to focus my energy.

Got people asking why I come up with goofy headlines like what if June Can’t Stop Watching Johnny or Wolfie’s Replacement Use AT&T For His Internet.

Hell I don’t know what the answer to these questions other than if patterns hold true in a couple of hours or less my number one fan will check back in from the Burning Log Frontier.

Maybe they want to see if my arm is bigger than the klotzok’s neck which is kind of silly because we know that it is.

Maybe I want to see what happens when I let my truest, most unfiltered self speak. Maybe I want to disappear or maybe I want to look someone in the eye in a room where there are no distractions or disruptions.

Maybe I wonder if the fire burns so very bright or if it has gone out and there is nothing but ashes and memories of what was.

Maybe I don’t know a fucking thing or maybe I really do know things.

You Didn’t Die But You Tried To

We’re just short of seven months of the surgery to repair the tendon I shredded. That massive brace on the right lies in the dark in the garage and the stitches that held my skin together have faded.

Now they are nothing more than a slightly raised scar that gradually is becoming a part of me that I don’t notice.

I am starting to lift serious iron with my left arm again and the fear of injury is fading. When the spring on the garage door broke I didn’t hesitate to try lifting the door by myself.

I regularly find that I act as I did prior to the injury and am back to pushing hard to put more muscle on.

The goal is to put more mass and to work on mobility so that as I age if I lose any I have more than enough to keep me going.

Sometimes I wonder if I will always remember the feeling of bleeding out on the floor or if that will pass too.

I drove by Baylor Scott & White in Grapevine again today and waved at the room that once held me.

Thought about how much strength was required to stand up and walk to the bathroom by myself and how tired I was afterwards.

Thought about the humiliation of a bedpan and remember considering throwing myself off of the bed and dragging myself to a stall. The truth is I am not sure why I didn’t do it.

I wasn’t afraid of it. I wasn’t sure if my legs would me but I knew my arms would be enough to pull myself forward.

Sometimes I think about the things that happened and what I haven’t shared anywhere. Don’t know if I ever will or if I need to.

I only know that I think about the privilege of getting second chances.

I like that photo. Took it in ’24 after I had made some big decisions and smiled because I knew I was on my way.

Smiled because I knew I was on the hero’s journey and even though I am uncertain about where that leads I know it is all going to be fine.

Thought about how much I have accomplished in the last few years and pumped my fist because I earned it.

There is a new car in the garage that makes me really happy. Got it because I needed something for the adventures I am going on.

Last night my son said I made him nervous because it sounded like I was struggling to breathe and I told him not to worry.

I push myself hard and I wasn’t concerned that I was going to suddenly drop dead. That Angel Of Death and I have gotten intimate.

We have looked into the eyes of the other and I have come back from the void. Charon didn’t let me cross the Styx and Hades hasn’t claimed me yet.

The time will come but it is not today or tomorrow.

And if I am wrong it will be as big a surprise to me as anyone.

All I know is that now is the time to tell those you love how you feel and to do the things you want to do because some day may never come.

I am prepared as best I can be for that next thing and I will meet it knowing I did my best.

That will be enough to take me to the other side of whatever comes next be it this life or whatever.