Someday you’ll accompany me is playing in my ear and I can’t help but snort when I hear some of the lyrics.
Bob says you start with fire and you lose the flame so you end up cold and on your own. I nod my head a wry smile across my face and smile as he moves into Like A Rock.
Some say it’s cliche but I don’t care because the words are timeless and I remember that 18 year-old kid and see him transposed against the older guy staring back at me.
The guy looking back is working on matching a will of iron against the youthful optimism and a body that hadn’t been through much.
A trainer says that men my age have to stop being afraid to lift heavy and to get brutally strong. I nod my head because I know that I am still here because I had the upper body strength to pull myself off of the floor.
Because I remember the feeling of bleeding out and knowing there was a mutiny going on and I didn’t have full control of my body.
I remember thinking I had to master the pain & fear and then doing it.
At The End Of The Day
One of the Jew haters tells me he doesn’t believe anything I have said. I laugh and tell him to read the transcript of Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib’s interview and shake my head.
Part of his issue is a disagreement with something Ahmed said about Arabs in Israel. I know it to be true from my own experience as well but figure Ahmed’s word might carry more weight than mine.
And I saw my Uncle Riyad, who was a day laborer in Israel. Day laborers were very big in the ’80s and especially in the 1990s, so much so that the joke in the 1990s was that Gazans occupied Israel because so many Gazans were working in Israel, not just as construction workers. They worked in property management.
He doesn’t buy it and I am guessing he won’t read the rest of the interview. It reminds me of Nahum Kaplan’s masterful essay The people who know nothing know everything which illustrates this so very well.
If you don’t want to read it on Substack it was shared on Facebook and is available for public consumption.
The arrogance of ignorance is further highlighted by so many of the myopic dunces in the DSA, including an interview conducted by the New Yorker with DSA co chair Megan Romer.
You can read a transcript of the interview over here. Romer pushes the usual buzzwords and highlights but can’t discuss the two state solution Arafat rejected at the Camp David accords because she isn’t familiar with it.
It’s more evidence that a Tiktok based education that coincides in living in an echo chamber of stupidity makes it difficult if not impossible to have an intelligent fact based discussion.
****
Some fans show up here knowing I see and am aware of their presence. Some of them are people who love me because I am unafraid to relentlessly pound upon their propaganda.
Because I stand in the way of their attempts to rewrite history and gaslight the people that lived it.
They don’t recognize I know exactly who I am and that I am the child of people who survived far worse than name calling.
And then there are those who did love me and likely still do but can’t figure out what the fuck they want to do about anything.
Some know they mistreated me and wonder if they reach out whether I will respond with wrath, compassion or indifference.
Some wonder if I will respond at all or if the best they get is to see me pound my fists bloody against rocks, walls and whatever else.
Should I sing along with Taylor, Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me.
There is the beauty in what you learn after almost dying. There are lessons that are repeated and some that you don’t recognize until a chunk of time has passed.
And then sometimes there are dreams and you wake up having gone on a journey inside your head that you won’t share with anyone.
But you don’t forget Charon ferrying you over the river Styx and your time with Hades.
That is the joy of life you get to be vulnerable, fierce, and so much more.
Running With The Moon
Sometimes people ask if I have a motto and I nod my head because I have many. Two of my favorites are:
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack- Rudyard Kipling
and
It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s five hours or so since I started writing the words above and I wonder if I am doing a good job of threading ideas together.
Wonder if I ought to start over or press publish and let the few who frequent do as they will with them.
Still undecided about substack and whether to lean harder into building it or remain focused on this little corner.
Old Neville might say these thoughts lack substance and get frustrated by refusal to agree with him.
He often thought it was because I was being difficult but that was rarely it. His line of thinking didn’t resonate with me and I found it hard to see how he came to the conclusions he established.
Nothing complicated about it, no mystery at all.
And if you look at the quotes above you can see how they fit me and the life I choose to live. I believe in the importance of being part of a community and having like minded people to support and be supported by.
But I am a big fan of being comfortable doing things that don’t require approval of the crowd. I don’t need to be cool or seen as part of the sheeple. Nor do I have a need to be adversarial or difficult solely for the point of not being part of the crowd.
Sometimes a man runs with the moon under the starlight until he can run no longer. Sometimes he jumps off of cliffs and learns how to fly on the way down and sometimes he tears down the walls placed before him.
But there are also times when he looks at the walls that were built and walks away because he sees no purpose in tearing down when he can plant a garden and build something new elsewhere.
Been in a couple of places lately where people were drunk on the sound of their own voice and uninterested in engaging with others.
I stopped speaking and walked away because I had no need to fight to be heard. I spend my energy on places where there is a purpose that isn’t defined as vanity be it yours or mine.
Been to the secret garden and wandered through kingdoms only a few are gifted with visiting. Makes me smile because I know I have lived a life and though I may be someplace in the second half there are still some adventures to be had.
The haters can spew their venom and push their hate but they’ll never win.
Sometimes you simply have to remember who you are and how many stood up so you could be where you are and that is enough for you to stand so others have their opportunity too.
(Likely crossposted on Substack, or maybe not.)
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