The boy who was only three last week but is somehow turning 18 this year asked me if I have talked with grandpa about dying. Nobody Reads About Souls
The boy isn’t really a boy anymore as he has grown into an almost 26-year-old man with a full time job and a beard that is thicker than my own.
We saw Spiderman: Brand New Day this evening and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I think he was around 3 when Brother Bear introduced him to movie theaters and about 10 when he and I first started our tradition of seeing superhero movies together.
If he really enjoys the movie sometimes I see hints of the boy he once was and remember how he would whisper to me about something he thought was cool.
As we drive over I can hear Boy George’s new song We Will Dance Again inside my head and I smile.
I tell friends and family we cannot be complacent and expect others to rescue us. We have to be our own cavalry and then I remind them we have friends who won’t stay silent.
You say genocide, I say war
When you’re attacked, that’s what the army’s for
Does it get ugly? You bet it does
When I know you wanna kill
Every last one of us
Every last one of us
Every last one of us
You never mention October 7
Young girls raped against trees
Murdered brutally
For the crime of dancing
You condemn the Jews, with selective memory
Musicians holding flags, mouthing like sheep
Propaganda fuelled by the Internet feels so weak[Chorus]
But trust me, we will dancе again
We will dance again
We will dancе again
And there will be no war
But if you’re ever confused
I stand with the Jews
I don’t feel brave, I just need to behave like a human
But trust me, we will dance again
We will dance again
We will dance again
And there will be no war
But if you’re ever confused
I stand with the Jews
I don’t feel brave, I just need to behave like a human[Instrumental Break]
[Chorus]
But trust me, we will dance again
We will dance again
We will dance again
And there will be no war
But if you’re ever confused
I stand with the Jews
I don’t feel brave, I just need to behave like a human[Outro]
אתם אומרים רצח עם, אני אומר מלחמה
That Yahrzeit candle is still where I left it on the stove. Dad would be happy to know the Vilner cousins in Israel are still in touch and ask when we are coming home.
Some friends in Israel tell me to make plans now. Aliyah today makes for a better tomorrow. Some remember how close I came before.
I tell them it is not out of the question and add there are people who need me to help fight here. The battle isn’t over by any measure of the imagination and the similarities to 1930s Germany aren’t 100 percent accurate.
There is more generational wealth and resources here. We are not Shtetl Jews and I haven’t had to fight Cossacks or run to avoid pogroms or conscription into the army.
I don’t bust my ass in the gym solely for my own health. I do it also because I am not convinced I won’t have need of physical abilities for things I haven’t seriously considered in decades.
Ask my where this ends and I will always tell you that we will prevail because history shows we always do. Ask me how we get there and if it will get worse before it gets better and I’ll shrug my shoulders.
“Plant your feet, look skyward with your eyes closed and let the summer sun remind you that you are alive. We are the descendants of survivors who faced challenges and overcame them. We will do the same.”
I Don’t Remember Anything- I Don’t Love You
I have seen movies where the hero has a moment with the woman he loves and listens to her say she doesn’t love him. In some of these she doesn’t because part of the plot has her memory wiped in some way.
“I don’t remember anything, I don’t love you. I am sorry.”
Those scenes have resonated with me. I have heard the words. I have also heard “I love you but this won’t work.”
Feels like that happened in a different world and a different lifetime. Lots of distance there.
But as a writer I see the power in such moments and see so many different ways it can play out. I don’t think all connections die, some can’t be killed in spite of the best efforts of others.
There is a reason why history is filled with love stories and why we’ll never see that ever go away. There will be variation after variation of them.
Love can drive you mad and make you do crazy shit. It can also make you do some pretty amazing thing.
Love is an engine that drives more good than bad.
I started working out with resistance bands two days ago because I needed to find a better way to make sure my glutes are firing and my hips remain strong.
I did it because I realized my legs didn’t feel as strong as the rest of my body and that bothered me.
I got on a bunch of different machines at the gym to test my strength and saw there is still plenty of muscle there. My legs aren’t weak but they aren’t anywhere close to where they once were so I added the bands.
So now in addition to working on a solid butt-to-heel squat and balancing on one leg there are these other exercises.
Made me laugh watching myself waddle with the bands on but I felt things begin to change and that made me smile. That motivated me to keep going.
This aging thing isn’t easy but I stopped expecting life to be all sunshine and rainbows long ago.
The reason I am good at what I do isn’t because of talent, though that exists. It is because of determination, tenacity, an eagerness to learn and because I drive change. I don’t just start projects, I finish them.
But I understand that not everything can be finished in a day. Sometimes you sign up for the long haul and plant your feet because the marathon is what you are participating in.
That’s where we are at now. We didn’t end up in the crazy, inside out, upside down place we’re in overnight. We got here through a series of choices and events.
We’re going to dig out of it by going through another series of choices of events. It is going to take time, dig in and hold on.
We have got this.
Leave a Reply