The Cougar Kissed Me First

One, two
Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I’ve never felt this way before
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come
Til Kingdom Come– Coldplay

I operate on instinct as much as I do on facts, logic and reason so when I get certain feelings I sometimes stop in place and listen.

Close my eyes, center myself and figure out which direction I am being pulled in and then I run that thing down.

Heard this song and felt a presence in my thoughts and field so I fixed my gaze upon it. Walked back to read The Hero’s Journey Part 2 and was mildly surprised I wrote it in October of 2024.

The last two Octobers have been eventful.

In that link I see pictures of my old apartment and talk about who I was versus who I am and that broad smile with the curved lip washes across me.

Why?

Because I think the guy that wrote that would be surprised by some of what is going on now.

The Cougar Kissed Me First

A guy challenged me to tell a story on the fly. So I told him about the cougar who chased a boy and caught him. Told him about how the two of them had a very deep and intense love affair and about how it had its ups and downs.

And it ended with the cougar ghosting the boy and then because he hadn’t seen Casablanca I rolled out the line about all of the gin joints in the world and tried to figure out how to integrate the scene below.

I tried to give it that edge Rick has when he asks Ilsa who she left him for but I think I didn’t quite get it.

Almost pulled out the we’ll always have Paris line but I thought for sure he’d recognize it. Oh well, sometimes the words flow freely and you make magic happen.

Sometimes they don’t.

It’s ok, I am not Rick, I don’t have a gin joint in Casablanca and no former lover will come looking for me to get passes out of the country.

Nah, if they showed up here it would be because they still love me or were hoping to yank my chain a bit.

But though I know how to bark like a dog I don’t wear a collar so there is no leash to be pulled upon.

You Can’t Screw An Old Head On Young Shoulders

As a kid there were few expressions I disliked more than the one above. Cuz nine times out of ten if I heard it that meant the old man was going to lecture me on what I had done wrong.

Funny thing is I use it now and have used it for years in all sorts of ways because there is so much truth in it.

I don’t always say it in reference to my children, it comes out about other people too though truth is if it does it is almost always cuz they are a chunk of years younger.

But not always, sometimes I am just irritated by someone or something stupid.

One of my brother-in-laws says my middle sister and I have no tolerance for stupid. He isn’t wrong and I’ll take credit for helping her recognize the lunacy of dealing with mutton heads and people from lollipop land.

Don’t mistake that to mean that I think I am smarter than everyone, I am not. Lots of people are smarter than I am but that doesn’t always mean they aren’t stupid.

Hell, some of the worst I have encountered went to Ivy league universities.

Is The Diaspora Over?

I keep coming across essays, comments and conversations among Jews about whether our run in America and Europe is over.

More than a few claim it is and that we need to recognize we’re in the equivalent of 1930’s Germany.

They say the good news is we can make aliyah and go home and that our 20th century relatives couldn’t.

I think about it and mull over whether I think they are correct or overstating things. There are reasonable correlations but I think there are likely some big differences too.

There is more political influence, more affluence and more resources to draw upon. More ways to push back and redirect some of the crap flowing at us.

It requires better organization and coordination than we see now. It requires comprehensive strategic plans to be put into place and executed yesterday because are already behind.

I need to do more thinking and research on things. I need to spend more time pondering and considering what I see/hear versus what I learn but I lean towards it not being over.

I lean towards it evolving and our being in a period of turmoil and uncertainty. That doesn’t mean it isn’t bad or it can’t get much worse, that is not impossible.

But it doesn’t mean it can’t get better either.

Thoughts About Rewriting & Just Letting Go

Most of the posts I publish here are produced in somewhere between five minutes to around an hour.

This one is different because I was interrupted and so there is about a four or five hour gap between when I started writing it and now.

There is a good chance it might have a different feel and rhythm to it because my head is in a different place than earlier.

If I was concerned about the rhythm and continuity I would nuke the beginning and start over. It would be easier to eliminate inconsistencies that way but this isn’t that kind of piece.

No one is paying me to produce professional grade content and I have no concern about quality.

Doesn’t mean I think this is garbage or that I think it is great because I don’t. I have been doing this long enough I expect it to be solid.

These words flow from a top of mind perspective, there isn’t an outline or idea about where the beginning, middle and end ought to be.

It is what my teachers once described as free writing. So I choose not to rewrite and to just let go.

The feeling fits because the house looks a bit like a storm him it. Had to empty a chunk of the master bath closet because of the plumbing mishap and have been working on finding temporary places for my stuff.

It makes me a little crazy because I feel like there is way too much clutter but it also makes me happy because it is forcing me to get rid of more stuff.

Sometimes less is more.

And I have been reminded that I have more than I need. Got way too many pairs of shoes so tomorrow I’ll swing by Goodwill and donate a bunch.

Thanks to the flood I picked up more shelving and a couple of racks that I assembled over the last few days.

The chaos got the younger Mr. Wilner and I talking about that night in October again as well.

He told me this time didn’t smell great but it was nothing compared to last October.

“Dad, the bathroom smelled like death.”

I told him I don’t think I ever noticed the smell, but it makes sense. He said he was happy I didn’t die and I remembered how in some ways it was much harder for the family than me.

Once I decided I wanted to live there wasn’t any question in my mind that I was going to. But I understand the feeling and still get the flashbacks here and there.

I can close my eyes and heard the rumble of ambulance heading down 121 towards Grapevine and the surreal feeling when they wheeled me into the E.R.

When you beat death the world looks a little different.

Those two quotes about experience hit differently than they once did. So do my comments about having lived a life where Mr. Toad has taken the wheel a few times.

But I am still here and I am still smiling. That’s worth more than you know.