There are better headlines I could write and stories I could tell if I chose to let my anger and joy run free.
And perhaps I shall, but first you get a few words from me in the link below. Some of you hear my voice when I write but you yearn to hear it first hand and can’t bring yourself to make the effort.
So here, listen to me and fight not to remember why some fires burn bright even when you try to extinguish them.
Sometimes you can walk down Coventry and know that some loves never die in spite of you trying to strangle them. I see much and I have always known things which I suppose is tied to rage and joy.
I had my final follow up with the surgeon who took care of me last September. Others were ahead of me in line but that didn’t stop me from being called back before them all.
I wondered if it was because I had almost bled out and they were extra kind or if it was just coincidence.
But I put it aside and smiled after the exam. Smiled because he said I have healed well and there is no reason for me to return unless there is some other need.
Took the elevator down and walked under bright blue skies and basked in the Texas heat. Jumped into the new car and thought about how it would have been nice to call my Dad, there are so many stories to share with him.
Got interrupted by Coldplay singing Til Kingdom Come and wondered about so many things.
For you, I’d wait ’til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you’ll come and set me free
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
And The Wheels Just Keep On Turning
Hit the gym after work and hoped getting the blood pumping would give me the energy surge and adrenaline rush I desperately needed.
Thought at that song again and all the different ways it could be taken or understood. Loaded the bench press with more weight than I have pushed since the accident but not as much as I wanted to.
Pumped out a bunch of reps and smiled because I can feel the strength returning. Muscle remembers and after two toilets exploded Monday night part of me is looking to do battle.
So many good things have happened in the last few years and intermixed there are a few moments that make me shake my head and curse.
The cleanup has been a process and the clutter around the house is making my head explode. But for a few minutes the clank of iron got me smiling and then the treadmill with a serious incline helped pull the edge off.
When I look at my upper body I see the muscle growth and outlines of parts of me that I haven’t seen in years.
Can’t say I am back because I am not who I was, too much has happened and I have changed. But then again, I am more myself than ever.
Some things may slow me down but none of this will stop me from getting to where I plan on going.
A Plumbing Mishap
Picked up the younger Mr. Wilner at the airport and commiserated about how LAX and DFW seem to have issues with various delays.
Upon our return to the house he chose to shower and that’s when I discovered we had some sort of mainline clog that created chaos.
No one ever wants that and you really don’t want to be dealing with it after midnight. Found myself sprinting between the master bath and the powder room while I did battle to stop the flooding. It didn’t begin with a bang but as a silent stream that who’s existence I didn’t recognize for a time.
So once I became aware of it there was quite a bit. Took me until around 3:15 to get things cleared and cleaned up to a point at which I felt comfortable going to sleep.
Was unpleasantly surprised by how the fight in the master bath reminded me of that night in October. I snarled at the toilet that this time the paramedics weren’t going to roll me out on a gurney.
But it didn’t stop me from remembering the ER doc and nurse who had discovered I can have a very hard edge.
Cue Purple Rain for no reason other than it just came on as part of whatever mix I have on.
Flip to conversations and emails I have had or exchanged with people about my frustration with their lack of attention to detail and shoddy work.
Wonder if Dad realizes that chewing on my ass about doing a job properly had an effect upon me but I can’t ask because we’re eight days short of the eighth anniversary of his departure from this plane.
Listened to a couple of people talk about why they think the diaspora is over and it’s time to go the homeland and wondered what he’d have to say.
I am not convinced they’re correct but I am not convinced they’re wrong either.
Saw a video of a guy in Cypress who learned FAFO is real, been just a matter of time before the Jew haters ran into the wrong guy. It will happen again because some of these guys are dumb enough to require more examples of why they ought to learn to be courteous or at least silent.
What Are You Looking For?
Got this idea I am trying to flesh out, can’t remember if I wrote about it already so I dig into a few old posts to see if one of these trip the wires:
When You’re Governed By The Dumb & Dumberest
None of those do the trick so I sing along with Leonard Cohen and look out a window for star that always helps keep me oriented on the path.
I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Crossposted on my Substack
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