The story started something like this.
He had a full head of hair and the kind of abs that don’t require any effort to be seen.
Between his sophomore to senior year of high school more than 20 women had wrapped their legs around his body.
He didn’t require a cellphone or computer to talk to anyone as he grew up in a time in which people had to have social skills to get by.
They didn’t call him the most interesting man alive because they had other names for him, far more colorful and they weren’t always said with love.
You’re probably asking yourself who that man was and whether you could call a male between the ages of 16 and 18 a man.
Hell, you’re probably thinking this guy sounds like he is made up, or at least some of the story.
I am here to tell you I know it to be true because I lived it, I was that boy or man. And between the aforementioned years I gave a lot of piggy back rides to different girls I knew.
So yes, their legs were wrapped around me so you can take your prurient interests elsewhere, I am a very proper and shy man.
And yeah, I am showing off a picture of myself, exactly as described above. That photo is how I prevented myself from going out to get a slice of cake.
That photo and this half baked idea that maybe I’ll choose to starve myself long enough to bring forth those abs are part of what are driving me.
The Experts Say To Sleep & Eat Lots of Protein
I sort of follow some online experts who talk about the best ways for men over fifty to stay in shape and or improve it.
They say sleep is non negotiable and to eat lots of protein. I watch them talk about getting between eight and nine hours a night and laugh.
I’d like to do that and would gladly make it happen if my body would cooperate but the body doesn’t believe in averaging more than 6.5 hours a night.
The body believes that two to three nights a week it is important to wake up to go shake the weasel.
Sometimes it chooses to return to slumber post haste and sometimes the mind decides to punish the body by insisting on thinking about things so falling back asleep can take a minute.
That nonsense above came one night when I was playing around with different obituaries for myself.
Mom, if you are reading this please note I have no intention of dying any time soon but I do want to my write my own obituary. I think it will be much more entertaining and when you’re up at 3:30 you come up with all sorts of crazy ideas.
Some of them are so ridiculous you wonder WTF you were thinking and shake your head. But some are so good you wonder WTF took you so long to come up with them.
For example I have played around with setting up a table with a sign that says Advice: $20 bucks.
I figure if I pay a bunch of people to stand in line I can create some buzz around it and that I can pull upon the sheeple aspect of people. FOMO will push people to line up and pay me $20 bucks to tell them to suck it up and deal with whatever problem they have.
Remember, no one says it has to be good advice and volume is the key to making a buck so I have to move the people through as fast as possible.
The Macallan 12 & The Hematologist
My nurse Stacey called me today with the results of my VCE. She says the doc reviewed it and I am normal so the hematologist will have to discern what is causing my anemia.
So I am celebrating with the last gulp of The Macallan 12 I keep in the liquor cabinet, but don’t tell my GI cuz he says my liver won’t thank me for it.
Can’t say I am particularly worried because I can count the number of drinks I have had in the last 18 months or so on both of my hands.
I don’t do it often other than every now and again.
So I pulled out the results from the blood work I had done last week and reviewed it so that when I see my hematologist I know what he is looking at.
Won’t see him until this Thursday and fortunately I am not the sort who obsesses much about this kind of stuff.
He’ll tell me whatever he tells me and if there is still a problem we’ll talk about the appropriate next steps.
There might not be anything, the way I read the labs things look pretty good. But I don’t have any special training or experience so it is possible I could be wrong.
Not going to worry about it at all until I have a reason to worry. Cue the goofy Barry Manilow music.
Toll Tags & Toll Roads
I installed a toll tag on my new car today. Made me happy to see they shrunk them down and that the smaller size doesn’t obscure my view at all.
Truthfully I don’t think the larger one did either but it is ugly and so I was pleased to see a smaller one.
Reminded me of the Josh from Los Angeles who hated the idea of toll roads. That was anathema to me and I was pleased most of the places I traveled around LA and California in general didn’t have them.
But in DFW it is hard to get around them without adding chunks of time to my drive and I won’t do that.
Time is too valuable and I am fortunate to be in a position in which I don’t make decisions based upon whether a toll will destroy my budget.
But I remember a time in which that absolutely would have been meaningful. It grows farther and farther away but when you have lived it you don’t ever forget.
I make a point to remind myself of all of the reasons I have to be grateful, it is even more important now than it once was.
My children have lived through more chaos and uncertainty than I did at their respective ages.
Pandemics, political uncertainty and Jew hate have been things they have known that I really didn’t, thought I do now.
Some of you have expressed surprise at how light some of this is compared to what you have seen me post elsewhere.
You have seen me go into battle and offer no quarter and wondered why I don’t bring the same heat here.
The truth is I do sometimes and you may not have seen it.
When I say I am not inclined to be kind to those who say they would rape and or murder my family and friends it is not a joke. I take it seriously…very seriously.
But I also understand the importance of mental health and you have to build places where you let your guard down and relax a bit.
I have complete faith we’ll get through this time in life. Better days will come, but I don’t know what will take place between now and then.
So I let my hair down and think about other things. Let my hair flow free and think about who is in my life and who isn’t.
Who should be, and who shouldn’t.
I sit down and review my list of things to be happy for and smile because I danced my way through the fire and sailed through the storms.
That experience is part of why I am so certain of outcomes but it didn’t come without a few scars.
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