Can’t say I remember everything I was thinking or feeling when I wrote the original post but I know it was right around the time we found out Dad had pancreatic cancer.
Somewhere during that time I remember thinking about October 2011 when I got word that the fathers of two people I knew well had died within two weeks of each other.
Those men were born in ’33 and ’35 in different parts of the country. They were army vets, one a civil engineer and another an electrical. They were husbands, fathers and grandfathers who had some health challenges before they died.
They were eight and ten years older than my father so at the times of their deaths they seemed old to me. It was only after my father died, slightly younger than both of them that I realized they weren’t particularly old when they died.
And like my father they had been men who knew their way around a hardware store. I knew their kids like me had either worked on projects around the house with them or at least been told to hold the flashlight.
By the time my father died they had experienced seven years of life without their old men and now here I am, 22 days away from eight years without mine
I’d guess none of them expected to get sick and die the way they all did. I expect even though they assuredly knew that life doesn’t go as you might plan they didn’t expect to experience it the way they did.
The lesson I took from that and from my own battle with near death is to live hard and love hard. To remember that carousel pony only takes you around so many times and then you are done.
The Things/People We Ignore 2026 Edition
I brought home a new car last night. It came after visits with four dealers which felt like three too many.
It brought colorful moments like the time I told a manager that I prefer to be jerked off by a beautiful woman and not a guy who pretends not to hear me ask for my car keys.
He stammered and stuttered something in response and I told him that I shouldn’t have to ask for my car keys three times. I told him that if he couldn’t give me the deal I wanted I was cool with it because it is just business.
I told him I dislike being ignored and mistreated and that if he had managed to bring this part out of me it was time for me to go.
They called, texted and emailed me but I didn’t pick up the call nor read the messages. I was done.
With some people and some things there is a very short rope and then I cut it. Others have received many more opportunities even after I told myself I was dumb to let them play me for a fool.
But I have always paid attention to connection. If I feel it and believe others feel it to I pay attention because it is rare and powerful.
Because sometimes the people that find ways to kick you in the teeth and make you smile have something more there. Sometimes there is a deeper reason but not always.
Sometimes there is nothing more there and you’re just dumb enough to have let yourself be manipulated and played with.
But then again life is short and if you find yourself in a situation in which the words of Marcus Aurelius make sense even though they shouldn’t you ought to open your eyes.
I Remember
The car salesman who sold me my car last night is Jordanian. We spent a few minutes trading curse words in Arabic and laughing about nonsense.
I told him about how I crossed the border from Eilat into Egypt and then came back again when I was 16. “It is a good thing I am not named Moshe or I might not have been allowed back.”
He didn’t know the reference but he understood when I said I was a dumb kid because I crossed at a place that wasn’t an official border crossing.
“I am lucky there weren’t Egyptian soldiers hiding out somewhere or any other protective devices.
When I drove away I smiled because I got the deal I was looking for and because it felt like I was finally back.
I got the car I wanted and didn’t have to settle. I got to a place I have been working to get to for a long time.
Felt like I had climbed a mountain and looked down the trail and saw a slew of victories and accomplishments.
The near death experience and hospital stay in Grapevine and the arm surgery were very frustrating because they seem like unnecessary hurdles.
But they are also part of why I was focused on this vehicle and some of the other targets I have set up. Life happens and you don’t know when or what it will hit, take or impact.
When you look at a floor that is covered in your own blood and realize you can’t stop the bleeding you gain a different perspective.
****
Some fans of the DSA came at me because I told them they are cult members and as myopic as MAGA.
They threw out weak insults and proved my point over and over. I shared a note with Scott Wiener that he’ll probably never see but hope he does.
I told him to remember the mob that came for him knew that he had been beaten down and broken.
They knew he had repeated the words they said they wanted to hear from him and then repaid his spineless lack of conviction with venom.
“You bought into their lies and propaganda and they still tried to burn you like a witch tied to a stake. And you endangered others by playing parrot.”
The DSA cult isn’t interested in truth any more than MAGA is. When I engage I am not trying to convince anyone but the lurkers.
When you elect people who have no skills, experience or qualifications for office other than being pushed to the top of echo chambers of ignorance you demonstrate stupidity.
When you elect people who make promises you know can’t be fulfilled you set yourself up for disappointment.
And you set up the unhinged wannabe demagogues in a position in which you know they will blame their failures upon the same “monsters” they claimed they were going to slay.
So I tell those who aren’t easily manipulated and profoundly ignorant to expect more hate because these losers won’t blame their failures upon illusions of grandeur.
They’ll look elsewhere and you better be ready to stand fast and push back.
Lurch’s Underfed Brother
I don’t know if Lurch’s underfed brother is boring someone or if he is gone. Someone once said their daughter was good about getting out of relationships in a timely basis and that they always stayed too long.
Hell I don’t know if there are dumb redneck attorneys or pasty faced authors roaming around. Maybe there are rednecks from Arkansas or some other klotzoks passing time in various places.
I find it all kind of entertaining and maybe sort of interesting the way some voyeurs come to visit. We really never do know what life will bring.
****
Had a conversation with my buddies Jack and Johnny that was filled with a lot of laughter. We talked about the heartbreaking and the heartwarming moments.
We talked about failure and victory. We talked about the importance of taking one more step and writing down a list of things to be grateful for.
They asked me about future plans and dreams. We smiled quite a bit and I told them I was really proud of myself.
“There are some huge accomplishments and I am not done yet. But if I am surprised I will know that I have lived one hell of a life. It would be too soon if it ended tomorrow but I made a dent and a difference and that is worth celebrating.”
Johnny told me to remember I can be a giant pain-in-the-ass and I laughed.
“People love me, in spite of it so I can’t be all bad huh.”
Finished it with a Cheshire cat grin, waved, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.
“I am living the bachelor life boys, adventure calls.”
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