Been almost two days since I stopped taking the steroid the doc prescribed and while I haven’t noticed super strength I have felt my head stop spinning the way it was.
There was a moment where I wondered if that wacky Diabetes had managed to wrap both hands around my ankles but I am less concerned than I was.
Wasn’t something I actively worried about but I thought about it once or twice and made my usual promise to beat it silly if it would come out and face me in single combat.
It didn’t and I have progressively begun to feel more like myself whatever that means at this point. Got a host of mysterious aches and pains that come and go that occasionally interrupt my plans.
Nothing that destroys my ability to do as I wish…most of the time…though I do have to adjust things a bit.
There are moments where I’d be curious to ask my father about some stuff so we could compare notes but that isn’t happening so I just figure it out on my own.
Even if he were here there is no guarantee he’d remember certain things so again, I might have to figure it out on my own.
Not impossible, but wouldn’t have complained if I had the option.
Some of you have been following my thoughts and ideas online for a while, almost twenty years of this crap.
Others have been a part of the run for far longer but you have all witnessed an evolution and hopefully a progression in ability.
Something happened this week that I can’t put my finger on that got me thinking again about what would happen if I wrapped this all up and took an extended break.
I wondered if anyone would miss it.
I wondered if I would miss it.
I wondered if it is something that I do out of habit or need.
I wondered again if I signed out of all social media and went dark if I would feel any differently. Would I be happier?
Would I be less or more anxious?
Would I worry more or worry less?
What would the real impact be?
It all comes back to questions I ask as I approach the second half of life regarding how I spend my time and who I spend it with.
Some people I always expected to be around are gone and some I never expected are here.
I was born and bred for the storm and can adapt to any situation I need to be in, though it is always easier if I want to as it is for most people.
So I ask myself these questions and debate the best use of my time with this one life we get to live.
Am I making the most of it?
Am I happy or just passing time?
Are the people in it worth keeping?
Are there people who I should try to pull back in or should I just walk away and see if our paths cross at a later time. Part of me rather likes the mystery of that.
But who knows, I could change my mind.
There are some echoes floating around my head that play differently for me than they once did but I am not certain if it is age or time.
Been thinking of some of the last conversations I had with my uncle, my grandfather and father. Been thinking of similarities in beliefs, ideas and tone.
Not surprised by any of it because of the family connection, makes sense to me that my uncle and father would reflect my grandfather in a number of ways.
Makes sense to recognize things in myself there too though I might not be able to explain it. What I know is my son gets it too, this thing, this indescribable feeling–he understands.
We have talked about it a bit and tried to define it but never worked real hard at it because it makes enough sense to just accept it as something that just is for whatever that means.
****
Purim is here and it is a time for celebration. Maybe this year we won’t boo Haman and instead will boo Sinwar. Even better maybe fortune will smile upon us and tomorrow the hostages will be released and Sinwar along with his pals will face their own justice.
Improbable?
Yes.
Impossible?
No.
Hope springs eternal. Opening day is this week and one can believe the Dodgers will win another series. Spring is here and warm weather filled with optimism.
The questions of “if anyone would miss it” is easily answered; no. I had to come to grips with this one almost 10 years ago, and it’s all Google’s fault. At one point they decided to de-list me because I was earning income from a company they didn’t like; from that point on, my traffic was never the same, which was depressing because the blog was ranked in the top 75K of all sites in the world at the time… sigh… And now that I can’t access most of my sites because I’m missing SSL certificates, I know it’s going to get worse before it can get better; sigh again…
I disagree a bit with you. I think some people end up missing us because we have developed a relationship with them, even if it is not the traditional one.
But overall there is no doubt that most wouldn’t care and would move on. That might include those people we developed the relationship with, though there are some bloggers who I occasionally wonder about.
They stopped writing a while back, but there are moments where I miss being able to check in with them.
It is hard to have to let Google have so much control over our online destiny sometimes.