Two days ago I woke up and thought about a dream I had in which I told someone they ought to wake up and remember that making me their backup plan only works if I agree to serving that role.
And then I added that since I hadn’t been asked or given a reason to do so it probably wasn’t a good move because time is short.
“I told you I’ll never forgive you for not finding me sooner.”
“Sometimes you need to take a risk and stop making excuses.”
For a few minutes I lay in bed and replayed the dream and wondered how long I would remember all of it knowing that like most dreams much would fade and I would remember fragments and a feeling.
****
I haven’t felt right consistently for months now and I am fed up with it.
There a long periods of time where I feel like myself and then these weird intersections where I am not right but I haven’t figured out if it is age, stress or something else.
Tomorrow I am going to call my doc and set up an appointment. I have rash that keeps coming and going.
I think it might be contact dermatitis but am not positive. It has been an irritant and hasn’t caused enough of an issue for me to do more than try simple home treatments to make it go away.
It goes away for a few days and I think it is done and then it comes back like the timeshare salesman who thinks this time they are going to get you to part with your time and money.
I looked online to see what old Doc Google says a few times but I am done. I am fed up.
Enough of this nonsense, it is time to find something that is going to to knock this sucker out or give me something better than I suspect it is XYZ.
****
I am fed up about more than one thing but I am not going to list them all here because whining about won’t change things.
But doing what I have done and expecting different results isn’t going to cut either so I have to change.
That irritates me more than I want to admit too but I am cognizant of my irritation not being meaningful or significant, at least not in regards to change.
I have a long list of things I am working on and I am not interested in slowing down or being prevented from meeting my objectives by this kind of nonsense.
Told a few people it is not a good time to get in my way or to challenge me in my pursuit of some of them because I am done waiting.
I will go through, over, around or under. I will move heaven and earth to get to where I need to be because I can’t do this anymore.
Got to mix it up and get a different look because time is short. Don’t care if I have 5 years or 50 left, it is time.
And this damn rash is chapping my hide.
