People still debate whether the writers of Lost knew what they were doing and what that finale was about.
Sometimes I put on Desmond saying I’ll see you in another life and see if that inspires writing. Sometimes I add the theme to Life and Death and let it take me somewhere too.
It has been a hard week and multiple people have come to lean upon me and ask for advice. I have told them all the same thing and then repeated it to myself at night.
“The people that will do the best in ’24 are going to have to have some emotional intelligence.”
This afternoon when I hit the gym I noticed that I am finally starting to see some definition in my arms again and that made me smile.
Not because of vanity but because it demonstrates the work is doing something. It proves it’s worth putting effort in and I am grateful for that because I have been impatient.
It also helps me confirm the value of the Apple watch on my workouts.
And somewhere in the middle of all this I find myself hearing conversations from the past about time, circumstances and people who say they won’t forgive me for not finding them sooner.
Conversations about finding people in another life and it occurs to me I have because this is a different life now.
Been a week where I feel like a walking contradiction in which I have made some people think and haven’t been able to move others to do anything.
Looked in the mirror and asked Johnny at what point do you say you have had enough and at what point do you cross into the proverbial uncharted waters.
Put some of it upon the pages and left others lying in wait because of a gut feeling. That gut feeling has gotten me into trouble more than once but it has also taken me from the storm to the shore.
And there you have the contradiction again.
Can’t seem to sleep for as long as I want even on nights where I have tried to go to bed earlier on or weekends when I don’t have to wake up.
This aging thing is odd, don’t have many of the issues some of other guys do but there are things there.
Shook my head when I realized my son is closer to 35 than I am. Give it a couple of years and he’ll be closer to 40 than I am and that might really throw me, or maybe not.
Remember I said that turning 55 is strange. It kind of bothers me and then again it doesn’t. I have been trying to pinpoint what sets me off the most about it and think I might have narrowed some of it down.
It really hits me that if I only live as long as my father I have 20 years left. I have a pretty good sense of how fast that can go.
Got plenty of reasons to expect to go well beyond it but still it sort of sits in my head whispering what if it is accurate or what if things run a bit shorter.
Am I living the kind of life I really want to be and if not what changes do I need to make while bearing in mind that need and want are different.
The list of needs versus wants so that I can more effectively target some of it.
I put up more than 200 pounds over my head the other day, pulled 100 in each arm and threw weights around like I was 25.
Felt pretty damn good and lived a thousand years in that adrenaline rush.
Later I sneezed and a muscle screamed at me and for a couple of hours I was sore. It wasn’t even that hard a sneeze.
Call it a message from above to stay humble or a sign that I need to stretch more. Life is a series of adventures, some better than others.
