Sometimes a conference call gets canceled and is replaced a by a mandatory meeting during which you receive news that takes a few days to process or so I have heard.
That’s tied to the post from yesterday but unless you know me you probably wouldn’t have picked up on it.
Took a half dozen calls today from people who wanted to know my thoughts and ideas and I shrugged my shoulders about a few things.
When they asked me how I would explain it to my kids I said I would say “your dad got his hands dirty.”
That is the kind of expression that can be taken in multiple ways but in this one I would stress there is no indication of malfeasance or any sort of wrongdoing.
Nah, this is about an understanding that sometimes if you want things to happen you have to be willing to do the work.
You can’t ask others to do what you won’t do and sometimes you can’t rely upon others to do it right. But then again you can’t do it all yourself either.
Sometimes I wish I had a video of us shoveling the dirt on my father’s grave because some of that is a blur and I want to play it back.
Someone once asked me to explain why I felt the need to do the actual burial work. I told them that I wanted to do the entire thing myself.
I said I wanted to dig the actual grave and fill it in. I said I was the lead pallbearer on right because I trusted the strength of my left arm more than I trusted any of the others who helped.
Some of it was me working through my grief and taking solace from the physical labor. There was still a bit of an adrenaline rush that came with it all and I needed it.
But it is also tied to it being among the last physical acts I could do for my father. The last few things while he was topside with us.
I have done various tasks at the house for mom, some of which he might have done if he were here but he isn’t and that wasn’t what I was looking for.
He deserved whatever last moments of help and courtesy I could extend directly to him. It is immaterial to me whether his consciousness was gone or in a place where he would be aware of it.
I knew and that was enough.
****
Someone I know is going through a hard time now. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and has begun her chemotherapy.
He is struggling with it. I have offered help a few times and he has always said no. I understand that because there isn’t much I can do.
But the offer is still important because he needs to know there is a community looking to offer help.
I had a conversation with someone else about it and said I want to make sure we pick up a few meals for this man and his family.
If nothing else we can feed them and give them an occasional night off.
People mistake action for requiring big acts and events.
It doesn’t.
The ordinary things are big too and sometimes more important than trying to create the extraordinary.
I used to hate listening to people talk about the impact of our attitude upon our lives but I have come to believe otherwise.
You can influence your approach and how things go by having a good attitude. It is damn hard and something that requires quite a bit from me sometimes.
The funny thing about aging is that in some areas I find it much easier to have a good attitude than I ever did and in others it is war.
I don’t have much patience for stupidity and nonsense so if you try to make me deal with it my first response is to fight it.
But that is not always useful, smart, wise nor practical.
Just before I finished my last call of the day I told the person on the other end that ’24 is going to require emotional intelligence.
‘Don’t fight the storm, sail with it. You’ll reach the land and be far less exhausted than if you meet Poseidon head on.’
