I wrote two letters this week that I never sent off to the intended recipient and stopped and started writing an open letter to an entirely different crowd.
The open one had to do with some blowhards who have worn out their welcome with me. Too much preening, too much peacocking and not enough action.
Someone asked me why I wasn’t doing what they’re doing and I laughed. I don’t need that kind of public validation.
If you can’t figure out who I am and what I am doing based upon my actions I am probably not interested in your opinion.
And should there be a reason for me to need you to notice me I know how to get attention without acting like a schmuck on a camel.
“Stop telling us what you think you can do and go out and do it. P.S. the crap you think you accomplished is much more impressive when there isn’t a group of people who have done what you are doing for years.”
****
Maybe it’s the full moon, but there came an unexpected moment that made me think of that rally at the shul right after October 7th.
It made me see red and I got more irritated that I was irritated about the moment. Makes me wonder if I should have accidentally bumped into Dung.
I was back in the gym slinging iron today feeling a mix of elation and frustration that was making me feel a little meshugah.
Elated because the changes in my workout are starting to show results. I feel myself getting stronger and that has always made me feel good.
I can see some changes taking place and that pleases me too, but in other areas it feels like nothing is happening and that is hard.
I am impatient.
Got some changes that come with aging that are hard. I adjusted the workout because when you have put some miles on your body it requires some changes or it barks at you.
Some foods I used to be able to eat don’t seem to like me anymore and that is the kind of surprise I didn’t want nor need.
Doesn’t mean I can’t adjust and adapt but I have things to do and this crap is getting in the way of my objectives. It is slowing me down and I am in no mood to be slowed down.
Told my boss that if people want to see an increase in production they need to get out of my way or accept that I will find a way to go through them.
It was tongue-in-cheek but it is how I operate and always have. I make things happen and ask for forgiveness later.
Can’t decide if I am feistier now than normal or if it is just the coming birthday that has me feeling edgy. Keep reminding myself if it is just another number because it is.
Doesn’t prevent me from asking if I want to spend the next 20, 30 or 50 years living as I have been. Twenty years goes by faster than we think and if you are not doing the things that make your heart and soul sing you are missing out.
I know people who are good at starting fights with others because they want to keep their distance. Not because they don’t like the people they are fighting with but because it is harder to miss people when you are angry with them.
Can’t say there haven’t been times that I have done it myself, though I think I am pretty good about not doing it.
Easier to just say that I miss so and so and live with it.
Easier not to put up walls or and to play zookeeper when I think it is necessary and most of the time that is how I roll.
But there are times where I have wandered out into the zoo to go chase the monkeys back into the enclosure or to go figure out a way to encourage the lions and lionesses to return to their domicile.
Sometimes it is easier to be grumpy and stay in a cave, but not always.
