During the course of the last 20 or so years I have come across a few things that have raised a number of questions.
You can categorize these questions as being a mix of the serious and the silly. Some have no bearing nor impact upon my life and are based solely upon curiosity, but not all.
Others are of the life changing variety and are the sort that force you to confront your beliefs and ideas about who you are and who you want to be.
There are a few that I have wrestled with, let go of and wrestled with again and again.
I tried to let go more than once and circumstances and situations pushed them back in my face like Al Pacino in Godfather III.
A couple of years ago I decided I was going to cut the lines on a few and walk into a different future because I was done with the uncertainty.
And then I got a message about a change in circumstances that made me question if walking into the sunset made sense.
Had ample reason to ignore it and move about my way. Ample reason to push on and see what lies around the bend.
Reminds me of driving down PCH in a convertible, destination unknown, Don Henley on the radio and adventure on the horizon.
Doors Open, Doors Closing
A kid at the gym got irritated with me today for hopping on a machine he said he was using. The only problem with his assertion is I grabbed it when he started lifting some dumbbells a good 10 feet away from the machine.
I told him it is impossible to be in two places at once and he said I should have been more considerate and asked him if I could use it first.
So I told him to sit down and leave me alone.
Did I mention he was sitting on a bench curling the dumbbells.
Anyhoo, he got irritated and told me not to say “sit down.”
I shrugged my shoulders and said “I just did,” finished my last set and walked away. As I headed towards the door thinking about when I became the grumpy old man at the gym I saw a guy who looks like Michael Chiklis.
He caught my eye more because Michael Chiklis looks like my father and I got a sort of smirk on my face thinking that my old man had managed to show up there to keep me from getting into trouble.
When I reached my car I asked “do you really think I am really going to let some idiot kid get me in trouble at 55.”
There was no answer other than the sound of my own snort and a silly kind of giggle.
As I drove away I thought to myself that if the old man had the power to come back from the world beyond to keep me out of trouble he could give me the winning lottery numbers.
And then I thought about how many people I simply don’t talk to anymore and asked myself if there was reason to maintain silence or not.
****
One of my nephews got a new job and drove across multiple states along with his mother to move into a new apartment and get ready for the new gig.
He wrestled with making this decision and shared my opinion with his mother about doors opening and doors closing because I have done quite a bit of it.
I spoke with them briefly on their drive down so that I could congratulate him again and to remind him I have contacts in his new area.
Meant to call my sister to confirm her flight back went ok but figured if it didn’t I would have already heard something.
She has multiple kids working in multiple states now and suddenly life feels even more different than it did before.
Had a conversation today that I have been working on setting up for almost five years and talked about potential travel plans back to California.
It all came about because of a project I have been working on and refused to give up on. Sometimes you keep knocking on certain doors because you know that one day the door will open and the answer will be yes.
It is something I have been asked multiple times and I can’t provide answers for all of my questions but there are a few where I am certain.
A few where I can’t say what will happen in the long term but am positive about some other stuff.
Some bells have been rung and they cannot be unrung.
The echoes of the future will intersect with the present and what happens when they do will lead to the changes that establish what is to come.
This much I know.
