The old man showed up in my dream and told me he was the ghost of Thanksgiving future.
“I see you talking about putting ketchup on a turkey sandwich made by that Virgo who makes all of the lists and likes to be organized.”
I looked at the old man and told him I came across one of the label makers he gave me a dozen years ago.
“Had to change a burnt out light bulb in front of the garage and that is where I found the label maker, in the cabinet with the bulbs.”
He asked me if they were labeled and I shook my head no.
“Not sure if I have used it since you were still alive, not sure that I haven’t.”
He rolled his eyes at me and I told him that when his 80th birthday passed this most recent September I thought about reorganizing the cabinets at mom’s place.
It made me laugh thinking about how often he seemed to do that. Sometimes I would go visit my folks and have to look for where I remembered the can opener being kept when I was 12 and or 35.
That apparently was one of the joys of retirement, time to organize and reorganize.
I Sent Messages
I sent out messages by email, telephone, messenger, blog posts private and secret stating simple truths and wishes.
Some of it included things that had enraged me, some that had saddened me and some that didn’t fit into any of those at all.
Every time I determined I was done something pulled me back and convinced me I was wrong. Every time I got to the edge I figured out I wasn’t really there and that some things weren’t finished.
It was illogical, irrational and ridiculous but it was also the most honest truth I knew even if the math didn’t add up
Fought it, accepted it, fought it, accepted it and then looked up at the sky and said “make it happen sooner or at least give me a timeline.”
There was no answer, at least no words, no rainbow nor bolt of lightning.
There was only a sense inside my the cavernous holes between my ears that I knew what was and what wasn’t.
****
Went to Portillos to pick up food for Thanksgiving Eve and told the kids for the nth time about their grandfather’s speeches about getting a hot beef sandwich.
It felt appropriate and I showed them the senior portrait their cousin took and shook my head thinking about how the youngest of the grandchildren is on his way to the end of high school.
Meanwhile one of those who calls me father is working in the kitchen in front of where I am writing. I think she might be baking pies but I could be wrong because she is a fabulous cook and could very well be making something else for our meal.
Back in LA the fraternity has gathered at the house for our annual Turkey dinner. The guys have sent me pictures and there are plenty of smiles.
It is a nice tradition because the alumni gather and catch up. Whenever an active has asked me about my time I have always told them my four years were fun but the majority of your time in the house comes during the decades afterwards.
I might have pledged in ’87 but the weddings, funerals, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, graduations and a million other life events came after college.
The pictures of us on the walls of the house bring smiles because for a moment we remember who we were when your hair was dark and our faces bore no lines or wrinkles.
The world feels upside down and inside out and many people I know are unsettled. This week I have reminded people that we make time for the people and things that are important to us.
I reminded others that sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own worlds they miss what is going on around them and inadvertently mistreat others.
There are moments where you need to tap someone on the arm and say ‘remember me’ and or consider what would happen if you said you needed them.
Some of those people deserve the benefit of the doubt and some grace for whatever it is they may be going through.
Life is chaotic and hard, but it is also pretty good and if you can come up with a list of five things you are grateful for it is probably ok.
If you can come up with ten or more it is probably pretty damn good.
Might have to see if the label maker still works just in case the old man shows up in my dream again. Would be more fun to tell him it works and I chose not to use it because I know where things are and what is in the boxes than to not answer him at all.
See Dad, it is simple, the people I never mess with aren’t important to me. If I never tease you nor bust your chops a bit you are not someone I keep on the radar.
