The call went straight to voicemail but I recognized the number.
“They better not cancel the damn appointment because I am get everything done, especially the crap I hate mode.”
Part of me still kind of hoped it would be canceled but another part sighed as the message told me to fill out paperwork and pay the copay in advance.
Inside my head I heard my father say it wasn’t going to get any better by avoiding it and then I remembered a colleague saying bad news doesn’t get better with age.
Shrugged my shoulders, went back to checking emails and saw that something else I have been working on seems to be going in a new direction, a better direction and smiled.
There is a long way to go, but it is proof that tenacity, hard work and a solid plan can have positive effects.
Got up, walked towards the restroom and wondered where that thing on my leg had come from?
“Take a picture and send it to a teledoc or diagnose yourself with Dr. Google old man.”
Smiled when I touched the object and watched it come off of my leg. It was a black paint flake that had attached itself to me, wasn’t sure when but as soon as I moved I realized what it was.
How Long Were You Clean shaven?
A former colleague called to ask for help with a project today and said he saw me recently.
I asked him where and he said he thought it was at Grandscape. I said it was possible and he asked what happened to my beard.
“You seem to go with and without it quite a bit. How long were you clean shaven when you started with us?”
I took a moment to consider whether I had the beard when I came back out in 2016 and said I don’t think I had it then.
Thought to myself that I might have grown it and shaved it off before my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, but definitely grew it again when my dad died.
I shaved it off right after his unveiling in California and then waited a day or two before I started growing it back again. Might have been longer than that, life was a bit of a blur back then.
My reverie was interrupted when he asked when I let my hair grow up.
“Wait did you say you saw me with longer hair and no beard at Grandscape?”
“Yeah, I called your name but I don’t think you heard me, it was kind of loud.”
“I might have ignored you just because I can, but it wasn’t me. My head is shaved and my beard is pretty thick now. I came very close to shaving it off last week, but I didn’t want to upset my fans.”
He snorted and said he felt better that I didn’t ignore him.
“Next time I’ll hit the straight to voicemail button.”
He laughed and explained what he needed and then we moved on.
****
I used to ask my father certain questions and then would shake my head when he couldn’t answer because he said he didn’t remember. It seemed silly that some things didn’t stick with him.
But I understand it better now.
I know I could mostly grow a beard in high school but I never really let it go. It didn’t work with the swim team and the high school girlfriend wasn’t a big fan of it.
Now when I think about dad telling me he didn’t remember exactly when he grew a beard for the first time it makes sense.
The picture above confirms I had one when I was twenty but I didn’t keep it real long. It let it get even thicker when I lived in Canada in ’90 and that is kind of when I think of first really having one.
If I look back upon the last 33 years I think I was probably clean shaven for a large part of it but I have had some sort of facial hair for a significant part of that time too.
Though I can add that I typically have never had a mustache for more than a couple of hours, a day at best. Never found one that I particularly liked and have received vociferous complaints from family and friends about the look.
If I ever found one that felt good I would likely ignore the feedback because it is my face, but I have agreed with them.
Is any of that particularly noteworthy or interesting?
No, it is not the kind of thing that will stop the clown show we call the GOP from trying to shut down the government or attacking democracy.
But it is the sort of silly trivia that some people care about for reasons no one understands, including themselves and that is ok.
Sometimes we just do things.
Another Full Moon Comes
We’re on the verge of another full moon and whether that is tied to any of the crazy I have experienced this week I cannot say.
And I am ok with that.
I planted my feet a while back and made a few decisions and will see how some things play out. If they go as I expect than I’ll smile and think “I knew it” and if they don’t, well I’ll roll with it.
There really aren’t any other options anyway.
Life is filled with moments of heart ache and joy, you just have to do what you can to sail towards the shore as best you can.
I think most of us forget what could be considered “small things” here and there. I mean, I couldn’t tell you when I had my first beard because it wasn’t a planned thing, and I didn’t think about it until someone told me I had one. These days I don’t remember when I shave, only why I shaved; kind of irrelevant.
But I have memories that most people might think are trivial, but they’re not. I remember almost falling out of my dad’s red Falcon when I was 2. I remember being on my first airplane when I was 3 and then when we flew back when I was 6, going to and coming back from Japan. I remember the first time I sang in person, I remember when I played at my last recital before I went to college, and I remember the first wedding I ever sang at. Not all of those things are pivotal; we remember what our brains processed at the time, and I guess we’re stuck with them. 🙂
The formative stuff is big and you are correct, we can’t always say what is going to resonate with other people or why.
I find it kind of interesting to review and consider, at least for myself. I think it is because sometimes it sheds more light on why and how I react to certain situations.