Someone tracked me down and sent a message asking me to justify a comment I made upon a post.
I considered whether I felt like engaging in a conversation with someone I didn’t know particularly well and chose silence.
Had there been a real relationship I might have considered interacting but with the general sheeple of Facebook, well it didn’t seem like a good exchange of my time.
Especially given I have been extra ornery as of Iate I didn’t see an upside. I don’t care if they agree nor do I need for them to accept my position.
Different is automatically bad, it is just different and sometimes different is the most important thing you can have. Different helps you shape your views and perspective and can lead to a deeper understanding.
I concede that current circumstances impacted my thoughts as there have been things I have brought up that have been ignored and that has chapped my hide.
But those aren’t related to relative strangers.
Those are tied to things with people that I go back 20, or 30 plus years. I notice who responds or doesn’t respond there and take note of that.
Anyhoo, as I advised my son sometimes silence is intentional and sometimes it is because life happens. There are people who deserve receiving the benefit of the doubt and those who do not.
Dad came up in my thoughts today because I am a little stressed out about a trip to LA. I was born and raised there and put in more than 40 years so it took me a minute to figure out why it makes me a little edgy.
Wasn’t because I am going to handle a few things at the house that he would have done or any of the other things that I’ll give mom a hand with.
It is because in the five years since he died I have been back twice, once for the unveiling and once for a joint work/personal trip.
Had it not been for Covid there would have been other moments, but that doesn’t matter. It is only twice and intellectually I know he is gone.
I watched the mortuary wrap him up. I was a pallbearer and I shoveled significant amounts of dirt onto his grave.
But when I walk into the house I look for him. I listen for the sound of his dress shoes on wood floors and the shout goodbye when he left for work.
I listen for a million other sounds he made and the comments that he and mom would exchange.
So one of the goals is to build more memories of what life is like now so that some of the silence isn’t so very loud.
When my children were little Dad and I talked a bit about what happens when the kids move out and you become empty nesters.
I remember him looking at me and saying “you are going to wake up and ask yourself, “who are we today?” You are going to figure out if you grew together or if you grew apart and what you want to do about that.
He watched me nod my head and listened carefully to my response. “Who we are today may not be who we once were or maybe it will be.”
I told him you never knew who might have your heart and who might not.
“People change. Sometimes they call you the love of their life and sometimes they don’t.”
Dad’s bright blue eyes stared into mine and he said he trusted I would figure out whatever I needed to figure out when the time was right.
“Wait until your daughter is in college and see if you can remember if life feels like what you expected to feel like. Chances are you won’t really remember because so much will have happened. You feel like 39 is old but when you are fifty something it will sound really young.”
“Doing nothing but aging”
There are a half dozen sections in this song that touch me and sometimes it depends on whether I am listening to it live, on the album or some cover.
You didn’t ask, but the cover from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is probably my favorite.
Got things to do before the work week resumes but before I go I’ll share a couple more excerpts.
With every mistake
We must surely be learning
Cause I’m sitting here
Doing nothing but aging
Every day there are two things I try to make sure I do:
Learn from past mistakes and not sit here doing nothing but aging.
There are important conversations to be had about the future that are tied to a variety of goals and objectives.
Can’t just pass through life, still too young to just settle for what is and not push for what could be. Might have five years or might have fifty, got to not just make a difference but do what serves heart and soul.