When you read a song for June you might come across this trailer and wonder what the meaning is and why it is in there.
You might come across pictures of a place in Fort Worth and images from a spicy dream that made you wonder if it maybe it wasn’t just a dream because you knew the other person in it more intimately than anyone else.
But hell, dreams are funny things and you wouldn’t talk about that blue dress or the night of the Keg because those had to be dreams too.
Could it be ten years ago or two weeks from now or somewhere in between?
Well hell yeah, it could be because dreams are funny that way especially when you dance in the fire and stormwalk your way through the ethereal world.
Hell, if you are the kind of person that would storm heaven and or hell just because you needed to find out answers to questions that had kept you up at night for millennia it might make sense.
Or maybe it wouldn’t make any sense at all because you keep your feet upon solid ground and never look upwards.
The question is do you do so because you don’t dare hope that maybe you are a Jedi like your father before you or because you fear to find out what happens if you fly too close to the sun.
That Apartment In Fort Worth
Sometimes I imagine running into Dad on a park bench somewhere in a setting kind of like the photo above.
Sometimes I think about the conversations we had after I came back from Texas as I was preparing to go back again.
I can hear him say “you learned a few things about life in that apartment in Fort Worth” and see the look in his eyes as I nodded my affirmation.
Thought about the old man today when I made an unplanned trip to Best Buy to pick up a new mouse for my Mac.
Wandered through a couple of of aisles and remembered how he had encouraged me to get a Best Buy credit card when I lived in that apartment in Fort Worth.
“They’ll give you 24 months of interest free payments. Stop screwing around with that old laptop and buy something decent. You can’t get away with a computer that barely works.”
Smiled as I thought about setting up a new work laptop and a minor mishap that could have been a debacle if I hadn’t realized I had done something particularly dumb.
“Measure twice and cut once Wilner.”
No one but the dog heard me mutter those words and all he did was wag his tail at me.
I looked at him and asked him if 13 years had provided him with any words of wisdom. He just wagged his tail at me some more and barked a couple of times.
“Listen you, I have moved heaven and earth several times to make certain things happen. I am tired and hoping I don’t have to do it again.
Sometimes all you want to do is spend time with some people and figure out the answers to questions you think you already know the answers to.”
That got another tail wag and I told him I had one more thing to add.
“You know there is actually a list of people, some of them I know and some of them I know of. I probably have the best chance of doing it with those I know, but never hurts to add a few. Might not be likely, but it is not necessarily impossible. Stranger things have happened.”
When You Read A Song For June
Those seven words were on a notepad in a dream alongside instructions to “tell Bruce.”
Best guess is after a night of listening to Springsteen the music and words left an imprint upon me that worked it is way into my subconscious.
Somewhere in the ether I can hear Dad talking about Mothers Day. I hear his voice reminding me to make sure I did something for my mother because he didn’t want to hear about it if I didn’t.
“You know mom doesn’t want to hear you say it like that. You make it sound like a chore. I ought to tell her you are trying to twist my arm. She already knows I gave her the greatest gift, I made her a mother.”
That was a conversation that took place more than once but only one time did he look at me and say, “actually I did that. I made her a mother. You were the outcome.”
I thanked him for making me want to bleach my eyes and my memory and he laughed.
That kind of talk wasn’t his style. I was the button pusher and he was the guy who said he didn’t want to deal with my ‘nunsense.’
Still don’t know why he never said nonsense, but he didn’t, it was always pronounced ‘nunsense’ and almost always was accompanied by an icy glare from those bright blue eyes.
Strikes me that I am older now than my folks were at my wedding and that mom is only a couple of years younger than my grandparents were then.
Won’t be any weddings any time soon for my children and I am ok with that. They are far too young now, but one day it would be nice.
One day I might enjoy being called Grandpa and spoiling kids. If and when that happens we’ll see if my children tel everyone how soft I am with the grandkids compared to how I was with them.
Thing is, I was never as hard as my father. I had a different childhood and upbringing than he did.
My mother wasn’t sick. I never had to worry about her health nor was asked to help around the house in the same way.
I had chores as we all did, but not because mom couldn’t do things.
Sometimes I look back upon it all and think about how much better I understand now.
Life is one hell of a ride and so much of it is based upon dumb luck. Sure we have the ability to influence, direct and manage things, but luck plays a much bigger role sometimes than any of us want to admit.
I’ll let you determine for yourself how that does or does not apply to dreams and notes left upon notepads for famous musicians.
