Am I angry because I have fought the same battle over and over for years or impressed that I keep finding ways to get back up.
Am I frustrated that I can’t say what I want without any regard for consequences because I am responsible, accountable and an adult.
Am I close to laying all my cards on the table and providing the unfiltered and unvarnished truth as I understand it?
The answer is yes to all of the above and yet I won’t just give in to impulse and do as I wish.
Not because I fear the consequences because I am certain I can talk my way through it all. Notice I said talk my way through it and not out of it because circumstances won’t allow me to do that.
There will be consequences for every action and some will come no matter what I do or when I do it. But not all will be like that and I don’t need to make life harder than it needs to be.
Part of how I keep getting back up after I get knocked down is having learned to balance how hard, how long and how deep I thrust into things.
That is the beauty of having learned a few things and recognizing I don’t have to take a beating every time I need to make things happen.
My focus is moving things to the conversation we ought to be having. That conversation isn’t uniform with everyone and it shouldn’t be.
There are a few who I need to sit down and say we need to talk about the future and what direction we choose to go or not to go in.
I am 54 years-old and I have had enough in some areas. I paid my dues, put in my time and did my best to make certain things happen.
There comes a point when the body and mind require change because you will burn the candle at both ends. I am not certain if there is less wick than there once was, but the reality is it is probably thinner than it was a few decades back.
Some conversations won’t end because I have an obligation to keep doing things to try and improve the world for my kids generation and those that will come afterwards.
People misunderstand the value of ripples in a pond and how the little things add up. They get so caught up in the need for something big they forget there is merit in the little.
Had sort of a philosophical conversation with the younger Mr. Wilner told him I figure that some people love me, some like me and some really dislike me. Not a whole lot of in between.
I don’t worry much about it because I don’t need everyone to like or love me either. But that doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk either, kindness and compassion never go out of style.
Told him I had heard the father of some kids he went to school with died and that is a reminder to let people know how we feel.
“Tell the people you love that you love them.”
We got into a bit of a moment on how you know you are in love and I promised him he would know.
“Might take you a moment to realize it, but once you do you won’t forget easily.
Spent about 90 minutes with the new laptop that was configured for immediate use out of the box and have some more time to go.
If I didn’t care about settings, had no interest in bookmarks, favorite applications or anything like that it might have
But I do care about those things. I do care about making sure my files transferred and that I don’t lose any bookmarks because even if I haven’t used one of the 292 I saved I might want to…one day.
Fortunately they are organized and the export/import process isn’t particularly tedious.
But there are things to do because even though the applications come ready to use they aren’t set up the way I want them to be.
Might as well take a few minutes to tweak, twist, point, click and curse my way to improved productivity.
Invariably I will forget about something and or discover some file is missing, happens every time.
But we hope this is kept to a minimum and that anything that is lost is of lesser importance.
Life Used To Be Simpler…In Some Ways
I go back and forth about whether I miss pre cellphone days. There are moments where I miss the simplicity and think about whether I ought to leave my cell in my dresser.
Sometimes I think about while my Airpods are in my ears and I am streaming music, listening to a book or streaming a movie.
Occasionally I realize the contradiction of thinking about whether I ought to leave it in my dresser while using it.
Oftentimes these thoughts come when my work cell and personal are both ringing, dinging, buzzing and beeping at the same time.
I wonder if I am really stimulating my mind with the educational stuff I listen to or the word games I play. I think about whether carrying a computer in my pocket that I use to look up things is better than keeping a set of Brittanica in my car or office.
Those books were heavy and now I have updated data on almost anything. I never worry about it going out of date.
But there are moments where I think it would be better to have to dig through the card catalog and then go dig through a dusty shelve for that magical tome that will provide the information I need.
Wouldn’t want Mr. Dewey to struggle in the after life because his life’s work is no longer relevant.
