The younger Mr. Wilner told me I made an impression upon someone and I nodded my head and smiled. I told him I had been thinking about the events that led to said impression but didn’t delve deep into the reasons why.
He is good with it and understands the how and why but something isn’t sitting quite right with me. I think I know what it is, but haven’t come to a definitive answer.
It is one of those things that I would have bounced off of my father because it is something you either just get or you don’t.
Not losing any sleep or having anxiety about it there is just something about it.
Something that reminds me about a conversation with Dad where I asked him a question and he said it was too bad grandpa wasn’t around because he would be able to explain it better.
I want to say that during that last year with Dad we worked hard on having all of the conversations we wanted to have and that we were active in trying to make sure nothing was left unsaid but it is only partially true.
Part of it is because we didn’t have a full year. We got about five or so months after his diagnosis and that was it.
So we tried to fit it all in knowing we never could. When he told me to have a good life it wasn’t just one of the last conversations we had, it was his way of covering the gaps.
We Need To Talk
Someone described me during a meeting as being very blunt. It made me snort because someone else said I spend to much time trying to finesse people.
My mental image of myself is somewhere between the two with the ability to lean one direction or another as needed.
There are moments where you need to pivot based upon who you are speaking with, especially if your goal is to motivate them to move a certain direction.
I believe in compassion and second chances. I also believe in consequences based upon the actions or lack thereof.
****
Been a funny sort of week, one in which I found myself racing for a bathroom at a Lowes in Grapevine and then later at a Hilton in Irving.
Didn’t expect either of those moments to occur and was less than pleased but life doesn’t always work as we wish.
Reminded me of a message board from my past in which people traded thoughts, ideas and suggestions for dealing with digestive distress.
Board changed my life in a few ways and 20 years later it is sometimes interesting to think about the how and why.
****
There are a few people in my life that I need to sit down and have conversations with. A few people where there are things that need to be said so that I don’t think of it as being similar to that bit with my father.
That bit where he told me to have a good life occasionally pin balls around my head and I get lost in thought.
Memories of him helping me with my first baseball glove, playing catch in the backyard, some of the things he said when I became a father and even some of the battles we had.
In some ways we were lucky because we had an opportunity to say goodbye and I never had to deal with the pain and stress of his not knowing me.
