It is ten years since I lived in Fort Worth. Ten years since I left one life behind and moved into another not knowing what to expect.
Drove into Texas with a mix that included Elvis singing Burning Love and Always on Mind that unexpectedly transitioned into the B-52s singing Love Shack.
Got memories of showing up at a local Purim carnival and smiling as parents watched their children try to win a goldfish or some other prize.
Some smiled at me and others didn’t notice my presence but I was cognizant of all that was going on around me because I expected one day my own children would be walking around and felt like I was doing a little recon.
Things took a small detour and I found myself back in LA but knew that Texas wasn’t done. Too many little things made it clear to me that something was unsettled.
Every time I drove to Bakersfield and passed over the Grapevine I did so thinking about how it was surreal to be on the 5 and not off of 121.
Reading about the snow falling around California got me thinking about it because we always heard news reports about weather shutting down the Grapevine and how I sometimes considered packing a bag.
Reminded me about how surprised I was to find out that wine was grown in Texas and just how much has changed.
Stories You Can’t Tell & Feelings You Can’t Hide
There was a moment Saturday evening when I wondered if I had managed to tear something inside me again. A moment where I wondered if my body had chosen to quit and if I had managed another hernia.
I stared at the mirror with fire in my eyes and willed everything to be fixed and fine. Then I looked at the empty bottle in my hand and considered how much water I had consumed.
“Don’t buy trouble. There are stories you can’t tell because you haven’t any proof or reason to believe.”
There was an edge in my voice but the reflection wasn’t cowed by it.
“There are feelings you can’t hide. You’ll know by morning if something is wrong.”
Woke up to a call of nature and upon my answer recognized all felt fine. It was a relief in multiple ways.
Song really hits the spot, fits more now than it ever has and reminds me of a couple of posts I wrote a while back.
Put a few thoughts, ideas and requests upon the digital paper we call blogs and recognized I had put some strong juju into the atmosphere.
“You might get what you asked for and then you’re going to move beyond the theoretical to the practical application.”
The reflection looked back at me and said remember when you told J sometimes you need to ask people to just spend time with you.
I nodded my head and smiled because I said that and I still believe it.
Sometimes you have to put it out there and take a chance otherwise you’ll pass your life away dreaming about what could be instead of knowing.
Einstein’s quote about curiosity has always rung true and in some ways now more than ever which I suppose is because time feels like it is moving at light speed.
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The wind is blowing hard enough for me to wonder if pieces of roof are coming off or if I ought to be concerned about waking up in Kansas.
Signs of the impending spring in Texas, won’t be long before the thunderstorms follow.
Expecting this to be a hell of a week and will be using all I have to keep Mr. Toad from taking me on the kind of wild ride I can’t control.
But smiling because I can’t control most of this, all I can do is try to avoid sailing into the rocks, reefs and wrecks that didn’t survive prior storms.
No guarantees of doing any of that other than being able to say that I have beaten every bad day so far. That provides a pretty good track record.
In the interim think I’ll check my flashlights, first aid kits and tools cuz it is best to be prepared for some things, if not all.
