I saw a picture and it made me think of a shot I had seen long ago that some would call old red sweater. I suppose some might consider ‘old’ to be a pejorative but I didn’t think of it as such.
In my mind it was synonymous with beautiful and though I suppose I knew how many years had passed it didn’t feel old.
Maybe it is because there are things in our lives that are so familiar to us that they never age or if they do we don’t see them as having lost their utility or practicality.
You could compare it to those who tell me that I must be old because I sometimes prefer a telephone call to a text.
That always makes me laugh because I can often address and handle some particular situations in less time by phone than by text.
I’ll add it will be conducted with less chaos and confusion because my voice makes clear what the tone is so there is no misunderstanding.
And should there be a question it can be addressed and answered on the spot with the net effect of resolution taking place in less time than by text.
That is an improvement on productivity and who doesn’t want that be it in our personal or professional lives because we all wish to see and be seen.
You Don’t Understand
There was a guy in college who used to try to make of fun of me.
He would comment on things I considered to be positive attributes and remark upon questions I asked in class. Every one was supposed to be a dig but I rarely felt any distress because I knew his insecurity fueled it. Eventually he managed to get me to respond and I told him the problem wasn’t me.
“You’re too fucking stupid to understand what is going on and you know it. So you take a poke and think my silence means I am willing to take it.
I haven’t ever been afraid to respond. I didn’t consider you worth my time so I stayed silent. Apparently that was a mistake, so I am standing in front of you. Take your best shot, verbally or physically and we’ll end this.”
****
It never did come to blows which probably was a good thing. What I remember most about him was that he took pleasure in being cruel and or seeing others be cruel.
I’d like to think he grew up and I’d like to think it happened because he got dragged. Maybe that makes me sound cruel.
****
I am beginning to hear rumblings of people I know planning 60th birthday parties. Some are fraternity brothers and some are elder siblings of friends.
It is still far enough off for me to not be thinking real hard what I will want to do for my own but not so far away that I cannot imagine it.
It reminds me a bit of the time around my mother’s 60th and something my father said to me.
“Josh, your mom was about 23 when we met. I first knew her as a single lady, than a wife and mother. We have both changed over the years and in some ways I am getting to know her again. Regardless of what happens in your life you’ll experience something like this too eventually.
Who you are now and who the people you care most about will evolve and change over time. By the time you get to be my age your world could be very different.”
We went back and forth a bit and I told him I thought I understood and he said I might get some of it but suggested that 35 wasn’t nearly as old as I thought it might be, in spite of some of the recent life experiences.
It irked me a bit, but almost 20 years later I think he was really talking about the importance of seeing and being seen.
It resonates with me now and I won’t just say “I see you” to just anyone but if I do, well you can consider that to be serious and to have meaning.
Life is too short.
Kind of funny to me to think about some things because if I look back on the last 20 years or so it went by in the blink of an eye.
In some ways I am very much who I was and in others pretty damn different.
Don’t know if that is really felt or seen, but I know it to be true.
Life is one hell of an experience, got to enjoy the journey or mix it up so that you do.
