The Rebbetzin doesn’t remember meeting me or the time in 2017 when she had my kids help pass out candles and latkes at the Southlake Menorah lighting.
I am not surprised because we really haven’t spoken much but her husband the rabbi recognizes me immediately and calls me by name to say hello.
“Mazal Tov on your new addition. Are you getting any sleep? Probably more than your bride, we have the easier side when the children are first born.”
He smiles, shrugs his shoulders at me and then the guy next to me asks my name. I tell him and we spend a few minutes talking about how we got to Texas.
“Been here a while, I feel kind of old, just turned 41.”
Now it is my turn to smile, “I’ll be 54 this coming May. Forty-one is still young.”
I don’t mention it’s three times Chai, but smile because I can hear my maternal grandfather pointing it out. If you’re scratching your head because you don’t understand I’ll provide an explanation.
The Hebrew letters correspond to numbers. Chai means life in Hebrew and the letters correspond to the number 18. So if you say three times Chai you are saying 18 x 3 or 54.
Breaking life up into chunks of numbers focuses my attention on time and pushes me to ask myself what would happen if we knew exactly how much time we have left.
Because it is getting harder to look at this time now as anything but part of the second half of life.
Perspective
I am trying not to focus on so intently upon how much time I do or don’t have but it is my nature to focus upon some things with a laser like intensity.
It is a double edged sword because it enables me to be very effective and quite successful in some areas but there are moments where it is a bigger hindrance than help.
Spent a chunk of time talking with my daughter about her grades and the spring semester courses. She had two labs, and a series of courses that would make a senior’s brain ache and did exceptionally well.
But she still had some concerns so I got to play Dad and helped put it all in perspective. It was a very honest conversation and I made sure she knew she had my full support.
I made sure she understood I wasn’t blowing smoke or trying to BS her.
Adversity and challenges reveal character and help provide mental toughness and she has it all in spades. She is going to be prepared for another challenging semester and that will serve her well.
Somewhere during this conversation we dipped into life happens and I mentioned someone in her classes will need to deal with a parent or grandparent dying.
She said she hoped I don’t croak any time soon and I told her I have no plans on doing so.
“If life works as it should you’ll be at my funeral many years from now. No matter when it happens you are not allowed to lay down and quit. You can be sad but you need to keep going.”
She proved again we’re related and said she could do whatever she wanted because I wouldn’t be there to enforce things.
I laughed and told her she didn’t want to find out if I have the power to come back and haunt her.
“I have moved heaven and earth to make things happen. Don’t test me.”
I could feel her smile through the phone and reminded her I have a long list of things I want to do and that includes seeing what she and her brother do with their lives.
****
The pictures in the post before this got me thinking about things too. Maybe it is vanity, maybe it is narishkeit and maybe it is neither.
When I look at myself now and some of the more recent I see a man who has aged. I see the impact of some very serious challenges and recognize some of what it took out of me.
I see the guy who took a beating over and over but kept going.
That is pride and satisfaction in those last three words, “but kept going.” If you know me well you know I am not particularly fond of confrontation but am not afraid of it either.
If anything I am more afraid of wasting time on people and things that don’t deserve it, especially when I can’t get it back.
I can go make more money. I can go buy things that I want, but I can’t buy time. I can’t buy moments that I would share with a select group in any form other than the future.
For better or for worse I am acutely aware of it.
Toddlers & Teens
Standing in the Southlake Town Square watching the crowd form for the menorah lighting I take note of some familiar faces and then watch some of the toddlers and teens do their thing.
Little ones run in circles, chasing each other and the teens go from acting goofy to trying hard to be cool.
Two little girls who look like they are around three catch my eye and I remember when my own was that age. I hear the mother of one call out to her husband to go grab their girl and see her fuss with a baby in a stroller.
I watch the faces of the people around me as the candles are lit and join in saying the blessings. Someone tells me afterwards they were impressed because I did it all without a book or card.
Probably not a member of the Tribe, but could be too I suppose.There are so few of us here compared to Los Angeles.
Back home I heard people speaking Hebrew daily and saw lots of signs of our existence, but here is different. Here you have to make an effort.
There is nothing wrong with that, makes you appreciate some things more. Certainly makes you think a bit about the future you want to see, with whom and where.
