It is 1,539 days since my father died and today I wanted to ask him a question about something tied into this trailer.
It is of minor importance, won’t change anything of importance or at least I don’t think it will but I am curious.
Not sure if he saw the first movie or not so I can’t tell him I am very interested in the cinematography of the second because it looks beautiful or voice any thoughts about the story itself.
Can’t discuss lots of movies or tell him how astute some of the comments his grandchildren make about them are.
Nor can I tell him about having seen his oldest grandson on television again or talk with him about how important it was for him to take his little brother’s tools after he died.
I understand that differently now because any time I make a simple repair using one of the tools I got from him or my uncle it provides a different sense of satisfaction.
Not just that which you get from working with your hands but this idea that they are doing it with me.
You’ll almost never hear me talk about it or mention it but I think about it any time I take out that hammer, drill, screwdriver or whatever it is.
There are simple comforts in life and the smart person takes them whenever and wherever they can.
Benchmarks In Life
Sometimes people ask why I mention the specific time between places and spaces and I tell them benchmarks in life have some importance.
Would it make a difference if Dad died yesterday or 30 years ago?
In some ways no because he is just as gone, just as far away.
Not going to answer any questions or have any new experiences or be there to engage in conversation in which I don’t imagine what he would say or how he would respond.
Benchmarks give us a way to measure and evaluate changes and there is value in that. I appreciate having the opportunity to use them which is kind of funny.
Because I don’t like being pinned down or tied to things or so I like to imagine. I don’t particularly like being a planner or so I tell myself.
Yet I find myself doing it with greater frequency and being far more goal oriented than I sometimes realize.
Some of it is because my professional life requires that and it bleeds over into my personal world or so I sometimes thing.
But I suspect there was more of that in my personal life than I recognize or perhaps wanted to admit.
Doesn’t really matter because I am not really bothered by it so it is unlikely to change any time soon especially as I see big benefits in it.
If you want to measure progress with any degree of accuracy there is no way around it.
Life got in the way of writing this afternoon so I had to stop and am restarting about five hours after I first began this.
When you have a specific topic to write about it is easier to stop and start writing because you can just pick up where you left off at.
This isn’t one of those posts.
I am writing by feel and by thoughts as they come visit so the rhythm may be different. It makes me wonder if readers will feel it and what sort of impact it has.
Makes me wonder if SQ still reads my words aloud in their head and if they see through me. Can they really hear and what sort of impact does that have or not have upon their enjoyment.
That impact upon the reader is a big part of writing. Some things I write first for me and then for everyone else but if I press publish there is another element or two.
There is a question of whether I am holding myself publicly accountable for something and a question of whether the readers enjoy what I have produced.
Does it make them feel?
Does it make them take action?
If it does the latter there is no question about the former. One doesn’t take action unless motivated by something.
So if my words can’t help start a fire or make it burn brighter inside your hearts and heads than maybe I need to take a different approach.
Maybe I need to consider whether they are being marketed and or presented to the right audience and if so are they offered in the right timing/venue.
If the answer to any or all of these are no then there are new questions to address. That is assuming that some of of the aforementioned issues are of interest and or importance to the writer.
If you don’t care what happens than it doesn’t matter now does it.
Cue Music Break for the Youtube Mix on my screen.
Busy Week- What To Make Time For
It could be a ridiculously busy week and potentially a ridiculously busy month. There is a pretty good chance I am going to get ample windshield time as part of it.
Used to take advantage of some of that windshield time to catch up with the old man. He kept me company driving through multiple states, under desert skies and black moonless nights.
I remember telling him how some of that felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone.
“Nothing out here but me, a million cacti and the occasional semi. One wrong move and I might be in a different dimension or hanging out with the Sleastaks.”
Don’t think he got the Land of The Lost reference but he always told me to think about grabbing a few winks of shut eye if I was tired and or to hang up and focus on what I was doing.
Sometimes I did that.
Sometimes I pulled over at rest stops or gas stations that looked like they were sets from some old horror or suspense movies and found a quiet spot.
Put the seat back just a bit, closed my eyes and shut it down for a few.
Depending on my gut feeling sometimes I let myself really sleep or sometimes I just rested. You get all types of people passing through these places so that tempered my awareness.
Can count the number of times I ever got nervous about who was around on one hand.
Could tell you what it sounds like to hear boots scrape across the floor while standing at a urinal knowing that someone was staring at me with more interest than I appreciated.
Those are the moments where you stay calm but magically make yourself appear to be six inches taller and 50 pounds of muscle heavier.
Body language goes a long way.
Adventures and experiences make life interesting and so we look at the coming dates and consider what and who to make time for.
Who Will Take Your Hand
Music gets me thinking about some other things I want to write about and conversations that I need to have.
The lyrics touch me as a writer and a person.
Does anyone know where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours?
Got relatively good news about some things and waiting on some other stuff so I can determine what direction I wish to take.
The things I did the last week and those before are all with intention and purpose so that I can reset the benchmarks I mentioned earlier.
Too old to ignore some things and pretend there is endless amount of runway and too young to to pretend that everything is set in stone.
1,539 days later I have so many more stories I could tell and so many adventures yet to come.
The very lucky few may get to come along for the ride.
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