Reminds me there is another clip from a concert that I periodically have put on cuz again, it grabs me.
Suppose they both tie into a conversation with Dad from a while back and a few more that we had as well.
Given we’re a day short of what would have been his 79th birthday it makes sense that he is on my mind.
Not to mention the dental work I had last week and a minor medical procedure today that almost made me believe in ghosts.
Because as I sat in the waiting room wondering when they would finally call my name I swore that guy reached out from the world beyond and shared a few thoughts with me.
That is Dad’s arm, he is almost in the picture but not quite. That’s his right arm, next to my left side.
I wrestled with him for years and late in my teens finally grew strong enough to recognize his left wasn’t quite as strong as his right so I tried not to position myself where he had the advantage.
Clearly I wasn’t thinking about whether he would start up with me or I with him in this photo though by this age I would have been game either way.
Years of lifting weights and the benefit of being a young man of twenty had begun to pay off, I was all muscle and energy.
I thought about that while in the chair last week and at the doc today. I asked if there is a warranty and we laughed because we both know there isn’t.
But I am active in pushing back against the clock and trying to do things that help. There are moments where I feel as if maybe, just maybe I have my old strength back in the way I used to have it.
It is a surreal thing because there are moments where I feel as strong, vibrant and virile as I ever did and moments where I know I am a step short.
That is when I stare out into space and wonder about how to battle time. Surely I don’t have to just give in because others have said that is what needs to be done.
Given my proclivity for following my own nature and ideas it is the natural progression. Look in the mirror, realize I am smarter, wiser and more cunning than I ever was in my youth and consider a way to merge it all.
And if I can’t, well I just need to get smarter today than yesterday.
Nothing more important and powerful than an active mind followed closely by a healthy body.
Those are definitely two key elements of happiness and if you aren’t happy that will certainly affect your health too.
Thought about one conversation with my father and how I reviewed the different ways people can interpret take my hand.
Won’t bother to try and fill you in on the back story other than to say when you have forty plus years there are so many pieces of tapestry woven into stories you sometimes twist and turn your way into unexpected places.
So I explained to him how it could be seen as a friendly or romantic gesture and then said maybe both.
Told him how sometimes we needed to spell out it wasn’t a hand out but a hand up.
I will never forget the people who sneered and looked down at me when I went through my moments of hell. Part of my showing my utter disdain is doing the exact opposite.
Took a long time but I didn’t just climb out of the hole I climbed higher than ever and now I have a very different perspective that I wasn’t sure I would ever get to enjoy again.
Things are a long way from perfect but even farther from hell so I’ll take it all as a victory. Not bothered by hard work and am willing to put more time in.
And to those who need my hand, well you ought to take it. Not everyone has a grip like a gorilla and a willingness to offer in good faith.
Got healthy kids who are doing well and so many other good things that the old man should be around to hear about.
But he is not and while I can’t say that is good I can say it is ok because that is what he would want and what makes sense to me.
I’ll miss telling him how old he is and I am sure there will be a tinge of sadness at some point but damn I worked hard to get to where I am and I will celebrate that,