The man looked like the actor who played Desmond on Lost and I almost said “I’ll find you in another life” and realized that wasn’t the line.
So I didn’t say it but I did take a moment to watch some clips of Desmond and remembered some of the magic.
Magic draws me in and holds me because I know it is real. I have experienced it and know it intimately.
It drives me and it is why sometimes you see me looking off into space. I hear the bells and the echoes of the future and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise.
Got a big glass of Macallan 12 next to me and am thinking about my visit to a local Gold’s Gym.
Haven’t set foot in a proper gym since before the lockdown and decided to take a gander. Found an empty corner, wiped down a machine and banged out a quick set.
Felt an adrenaline charge that I haven’t gotten in way too long. Didn’t join, was barely in there but that moment was the magic I am talking about.
It was a familiar kiss accompanied by the charge and the question of when will we meet again. The clanking of metal and the feeling of muscles being asked to work in a way they haven’t was bliss.
Late Night Calls
Heard a story about a boy calling a girl at 2 AM and didn’t respond with a father’s voice though I could have.
Inside my head I thought I knew what those calls are often about, especially when you are talking about college kids.
But I listened and left it be.
Later I thought about it and considered whether I ought to have said more and realized that set I blew through at the gym left it is own gift.
Gave a wry smile and made a mental note to remember that muscle memory will serve me well but it won’t stop nature from responding.
If you don’t use your body in certain ways you will be reminded of you neglect. It is a good kind of reminder if uncomfortable at times.
No pain, no gain.
It is why a follow up visit to the doc is important and the need to take my own advice and fight through the discomfort.
Always easier to tell people what to do than do it. It is like getting berated to go get boosted. “You’re too heavy, you’re not that young and there is a surge. Take care of your business.”
Kind of cracks me up to think about it because when you don’t take crap from anyone you notice when someone gives it to you and don’t push back the same way.
Fucking bells I tell you, fucking bells.
I Took More Than One Science Class
Middle sister is officially an empty nester now. Caught up with her after she dropped her youngest off and she told me that she was surprised to hear I took science classes in college.
Rolled my eyes at her though she couldn’t see it and told her she is old and to remember she didn’t make my schedule any more than I made hers in college.
Didn’t tell her I watched a younger colleague look shocked that I have a younger sister who is in her fifties.
Probably did a better job of keeping a poker face than they did when I realized their father is only three years older than I am.
Really wasn’t that shocking, but I hadn’t thought about how I could easily have a kid the same age.
I am starting to run into more people from high school who have kids in their thirties or right on the verge of it.
It is more of a surprise when I hear about guys who have toddlers and or babies. There aren’t that many, but there are a few.
Second marriages to younger women mostly, but there are some who married late and decided to have kids.
Reminds me a bit when my son started preschool and made friends with some boys whose fathers fit that older father description I mentioned.
We got along fine but some of them just missed out on going to Vietnam and or were close enough they viewed the war differently.
It wasn’t their father’s war.
And now some of the younger dad’s I know talk about Afghanistan and Iraq as long ago wars which in some ways they are.
I don’t mention that I remember fraternity brothers and other guys in college going off to Iraq during the first Gulf War.
Feels like yesterday and feels like a different life.
Are You Present?
The younger Mr. Wilner asks why I like looking at pictures and I turn the question on him, “Are you present? Are you living your life or just passing through it?”
I tell him I enjoy seeing where I have been and remembering moments, sometimes picking up things I had forgotten or missed.
It helps me focus on what I want now. It helps me focus on what I don’t want and work on moving that out of the present.
Move that crap into the past and try to live the life you want. That line from Under Pressure has always meant something to me.
There is some depth to it beyond the obvious. It is not about yourself, it is not about others, it is not about romance, it is not about friendship.
It is all of those things and more.
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
