That Was Unexpected

We sat on a couch in a place that had once been mine, it was dark and there was a movie playing on the television.

I think she kissed me but I can’t say for certain because dreams are blurred layers of hope, mystery, fantasy and a dash of reality.

“Are you still my girl?”

“You know I am and always will be.”

The smile that accompanied it made it clear that it was a honest answer, maybe too honest because it disappeared and I saw something else replace it.

That was just before a wall shot up between us and the space we shared was occupied by others.

When I woke up I lay in bed thinking about it for a moment and wondered if the veil between what is, what was and what could still be was pierced.

Leaned against the wall in the shower and thought about how I don’t feel the same physical strength about me that I used to.

Still plenty of strength, but it doesn’t radiate off of me like it once did and I don’t know if that is just the moment or something permanent.

But I am still built for tearing down walls and rebuilding others, even those in dreams.

Dried off, looked at my work phone and figured the memory of the dream would fade soon enough.

That Was Unexpected

Never did test positive for Covid but certainly had a touch of something. Didn’t think much of it because I get a cold twice a year and this felt just like that.

Been kind of irritating but I isolated for a bit as best I could more out of an abundance of caution for others than real concern.

Got wrapped up in a spreadsheet and a couple of work puzzles and set about working on creative solutions when all of a sudden I felt an urge to go for a walk to my car and head out to a particular place.

Never did go but I know it was part of the dream and shrugged my shoulders.

“That was unexpected.”

No one heard me mutter that or saw me cock my head just in case I heard an answer to “when you think of me I am thinking of you.”

Did the hop, skip and the jump to the corner where I do my push ups and banged out a couple of sets. They felt like they were getting easier and I smiled because that is important to me.

It is part of how I measure my ability to take care of myself and given that I keep reading more stories about people I know or know of that have died young it is on my mind.

The kids said I was being ridiculous when I said I told cancer and covid to fight me like a man not like a virus or terminal illness and I am ok with that.

Life is absurd and so much of what happens is luck and our ability to respond is impacted by our attitude.

How we find a way through the more complex times and the simple ones is often predicated on that.

Did tell the kids they have just scratched the surface on some of the crazy that life can bring and that when you take account of all you have been through it often makes the current moment that much easier.

Sorting Through The Moments

I am still sorting through the moments and figuring out what happened, where and when. Still thinking about how every time I think I have some things figured out something happens that makes me reconsider.

It is like walking through some crazy carnival fun house and though I know I can force my way out the exit and make some decisions sooner I haven’t done it.

Not because I can’t but because of a gut feeling that says there is something in the air. Something that might be worth exploring and I am that explorer.

I can roll with it a bit longer and if something doesn’t add up I can close the door and go a different direction with less effort than some think.

When you have questions sometimes it is best to sit on things and see if you can solve for X even if it doesn’t look possible.

Maybe I said or heard something like that in the dream, not sure about it, but damn that was unexpected.