Inside of June is one of my favorite places to be and has been for so long now I can’t remember when it wasn’t.
Doesn’t matter whether it is just before summer begins or right after, it is always a time that makes me smile and curl my toes.
The last day of school has come and gone and now we wait a short time for graduation and watch my daughter begin her walk into a future that will be guided more by her desires and interests than what we had seen/experienced.
It is the natural order of things and something to celebrate but it feels strange to recognize that a time that seemed so far away it might never happen.
Conversations long past in which people told me that some opportunities would likely not present themselves until sometime in our fifties no longer sound like something of a dream.
More importantly fifty something sounds older but not old, again the sort of surreal moment I shouldn’t be surprised by because I heard people say it but never really believed
It is interesting to recognize that though many might describe me as being high energy it is not what it was when I was in my early twenties.
How do I know this?
My oldest wakes up at 3:30, goes to work at 5 and often works until around 5. He comes home tired but can keep going for quite a while when he wants to.
I can still put those hours in but it catches up with me far more quickly than him and that is ok.
Looked around and realized I haven’t updated one spot since the end of March. Thought about it a few times and decided to hold off for a variety of reasons.
Time passed and I thought about whether it was serving others and me because I could just shut it down. Took a moment to think about the list of things I know and held off because I had a feeling.
Tried to decide what that feeling was based upon and heard one word in my head…submit.
It is a particularly strange time for a host of reasons and though the rules of the blog dictate sharing more than vague comments there is a gut feeling that says hold off.
Not everyone deserves to know, hear or read all we think or believe. Some of it has to be earned.
Got a big question in mind about a particular moment and experience. Sometimes we look back upon the past and romanticize it and I am certain I am guilty about it in some cases but not always there.
There is something swirling in the back of my mind, a partially formed idea that is percolating and ping-ponging around.
If you had asked me about such a thing when I was younger I would have rolled my eyes and said it was nothing to be concerned about.
Not any more.
I pay attention to it and listen to that voice when it speaks.
And when I can’t hear it I wait to until the whisper is loud enough for me to discern something more than mumbling and go from there.
Can’t tell you exactly what comes next or what it will look like in terms that most of you would understand. That partially formed thought isn’t ready for that kind of detailed description but there is something there that some might get.
Don’t need to be stuck on an island, trapped in a closet or riding an Amtrak for the first time to get it either. Just have to tune the dial and open up.
If that happens and I choose to broadcast there is no doubt it can be heard and understood because it has been done before.
And sometimes when you have opened that particular door it never really shuts completely, no matter how hard you try.
We are on one hell of a roller coaster and recent events are going to lead to a big crash or some other big changes that are likely to be far more positive.
Going to take some will, some effort and real doing to make it all happen. Won’t happen overnight either, but possibility and potential are rascally creatures that sometimes surprise you in ways that bring tears.
The real question is what sort of tears will they bring. Time will tell.
For the moment I’ll hold onto this other feeling and celebrate the return of the inside of June because you have to take the victories where you can and build upon them.