Been an eon since I last heard the younger Mr. Dylan sing One Headlight but tonight a couple of the lines caught my ear in ways they hadn’t done before.
“Feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same”
The echoes of the past always sound a little louder during Passover and this year is no different in some ways but things make me wonder if the ghosts are rattling their chains and ringing bells a little louder this time around.
Don’t have to close my eyes to hear my great-grandmother Sadie tell my middle sister and I that she thinks she is getting drunk on the grape juice or to hear her soft accented voice slip into Yiddish.
My father is at the head of the table telling us all again about how his grandfather, my Zaide the tailor Benjamin Wilner always pronounced the H in “herbs.”
I am not sure if I remember the sound of his voice but I have no trouble remembering him at our seders, helping to move him out of his apartment into the home or dozens of other memories of him.
The family was and still is loud and reminds me that I have always been one of the ringmasters of my own circus.
Next Year In Jerusalem
Every seder finishes with the dream that next year we’ll be in Jerusalem. This year two of my sister’s kids will live that out, though not in time for Pesach.
I play around with buying a ticket and surprising them but there is that little thing called college tuition that rises up to remind me that my daughter’s education trumps my desire to go back.
There is no regret about that, education is of paramount importance so it comes first but some other dreams require attention too.
A fraternity brother was hit by an F-150 the other day. He is doing ok but wearing the latest fashion in staples in his head and trying not to laugh because a half dozen cracked ribs make it painful.
It is the third story I have heard recently about unexpected health issues and another reminder that next day isn’t promised or guaranteed.
Reminds me of some things from The Storyteller Teaches Writing and provides more gratitude for being on vacation now.
It is a staycation but I’d rather take the time off at home than lose it as I earned it. I never understand people who give up their vacation.
If you don’t take time for yourself you’ll burn out and be no good to anyone. You owe it to yourself to engage in self care without doubt or second guessing.
****
Was asked to comment on a few posts about tech and the First Amendment and weighed whether I felt like it. Got a few people who sometimes ask me to play white knight and ride into the mix to try to provide clarity and education.
Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my time engaging with people who prefer to live in self induced echo chambers because they like life in lollipop land.
It is easier to pretend your wishes for the way life ought to be are reality and not a fantasy you live in. I ask myself if I am moving the needle or adding stress and strife and acknowledge that part of me must enjoy this.
But that love for it isn’t as deep as it once was and whether that is because I am worn out or less convinced I am making a difference I cannot say.
Pink Moon
Thinking about wrapping this up so I can go outside and look at the Pink Moon.
Those supermoons are the best time to go let go of dreams that you once had and let them drift off as lost causes as well as the time to ask the universe to give you one more shot so that you can be certain.
A woman once told me that if you needed to reach the love of your life because they were gone you had to pray to Saint Jude.
I smiled and said I am Jewish and I don’t pray to saints other than our lady of getting lucky.
She smiled and asked me how that was working out for me and I said I got by.
****
Made my first batch of Matzah Brei and was very pleased with how it came out. I don’t have a precise recipe for cooking it, it is all done by feel.
Most of the time time it comes out pretty well but sometimes it is awesome. I always enjoy it so much the first few times I think about cooking it year round but that never happens.
Why?
Because by the middle of Pesach I have had enough matzah for a while and then Pesach ends and I forget about it.
Got to roll, time to see that moon and see if it inspires more writing or just contemplation.
Leave a Reply