If we go by the technical definition of voyeur I can’t say if there really is one or a 100 in my life. Don’t know that anyone is or isn’t gaining sexual pleasure by reading my words or watching me do what I do.
Yet we can say there are people who use this platform to try to gain insight into my head, how I think, how I operate and how I evolve.
Can’t complain about it when I put these pieces out there for public consumption nor can I say I have expectations that you people reading these words really know who I am.
You get pieces of me and unless we have had real occasion to engage in dialogue I doubt you really know me. That is not a value judgment because I am not looking to be known or seen by most of you.
And if you are among the circle who occupy a different position you ought to know if I want your gaze upon the inner realm because I have offered an invitation.
Whether you accept it is a different story as is whether I have rescinded that which was offered.
That should answer the questions some of you have asked about what the purpose of this blog is and what I hope to achieve with it.
What He Doesn’t See…Yet
The younger Mr. Wilner asked me for my advice about a couple of situations and asked me why I had a Cheshire cat grin.
I told him last week I asked some of the same questions of his grandfather and was trying to figure out how I am sitting in grandpa’s seat and you’re sitting in mine.
Don’t think he appreciated it and I understand because what he doesn’t see is hard to picture if you haven’t lived it…yet.
When you are not father and you haven’t put the hours in as the sole income provider of the family you won’t appreciate the weight of it or the impression it leaves upon you.
It has been a chunk of years since I put that time in but the echoes of the past reach the present. So when he tells me how hard he is working I nod my head and agree that he is.
There is no condescension in my voice and I am nothing but proud of him because he is working his butt off. That sort of work ethic is admirable and I part of why I smile.
“Sometimes your grandfather and I swapped stories about the different people we would encounter at the office. He had a guy that worked for him that was a little rough around the edges. He scared some of the other employees and I think grandpa was cautious around him.
Apparently he mouthed off to the wrong people and a few guys worked him over with baseball bats and helped him adjust his attitude.
Grandpa said when this guy got out of the hospital and came back to work he was a new man. Sometimes you can reap what you sow. Almost always better to be easy to get along with then good at your job. Better to combine the two, but getting along with others will always serve you well.”
He has heard me talk about soft skills and how some of those things can be taught and some can’t more than once.
Time Marches On
Won’t be too long before I head out for some meetings in Austin and Houston so I spent some time doing some prep work.
Had another one of those conversations where I was reminded I am not the kid in the office any more.
Made me laugh when the guy I was speaking with said he was impressed that a guy who saw Star Wars at the drive in was still working. I have almost 20 years on him, but I am not old.
Anyhoo he told me about how his oldest is going to turn 12 next week and I remembered that my youngest nephew will be turning 16.
This isn’t a big surprise to me. I saw him in February when I was in LA and last summer when he came out to Texas so I am well aware he isn’t a little kid anymore.
But something about the conversation struck me because I realized how many more stories I am hearing from friends who have become grandparents and or people I know that have just retired.
Given that my baby is graduating from high school and heading off to college cemented this feeling of transition.
Between work and school dinners with the children are becoming far less frequent and I can see the day when there are no children on the payroll coming at light speed.
It is the natural progression but there are moments when I wonder how it happened so damn fast and ask for the world to slow down.
I have things to do.