Facebook is filled with posts in which the mighty phisherman of the Internet search for personal information they can use about us but not for purposes we would support.
Given I am a man who marches to the beat of my own off key drummer I have sometimes left ridiculous comments that have no basis in fact or reality.
My sire, the soon to be departed four years ago man I called Dad and you called Orrie would say my actions are ridiculous.
“Why do you bother with this nunsense.”
Sometimes I would shake my head and ask him why he pronounced it “nunsense” when it was clearly spelled nonsense.
It would often result in his glaring at me, a look that would have frozen the boy I was in my tracks but that was then and this is now.
Which is to say I would sometimes stare back at him and say “your power no longer has a hold upon me” or some other silly remark.
These moments almost always included me reminding him I was raised not to wear a sweater just because someone else is cold.
“We all have our things Dad. Is it ridiculous? Yeah, it is but maybe I annoy the phisherman and I find it remarkable that some people believe that nonsense.”
So yeah, if you saw a post in which I said the strangest place I had sex was in a third world mortuary that was me acting ridiculous.
Where Is the Strangest Place You Had Sex?
Some of you would rather bleach your eyes and plug your ears than get the answer to that so I suggest you tread carefully because you don’t know what I will share or not.
There was a time when someone asked me how I knew their daughter and I answered ‘bionically.’
They thought I said something about having met at some Jewish youth group/camp/organization and went with that. I almost repeated my words just to see if they intentionally misheard me but their daughter might have smacked me with a giant purse.
Someone asked me as the father of a daughter how I might respond to such a remark. I said I would walk up to the gentleman with a broad smile upon my face and an outstretched hand.
“Well played, I need to shake the hand of someone so clever.”
The long time readers know I have a pretty good grip and once I had his hand in mine we could have a different sort of conversation.
I am good for a pretty good burst of speed but I can’t sustain it as I once did so I figure it’s better to use some cunning and old fashioned dad charm. Why chase a kid when I don’t have to.
I’ll let you figure out if this is my true thoughts and a real story or one I have made up. Never ceases to amaze me what people choose to believe.
*****
Had a pretty good storm here this evening and I am waiting for the tornado watch to end. Probably won’t stay up until 2 AM when the watch ends but I’ll keep an ear out for the sirens.
Won’t say they never touch down in my town but it is infrequent. I worry more about hail damage and lightning strikes because those have a more frequent impact than the tornado.
But you never know, things happen.
Growing up in Los Angeles we never worried about this kind of weather. People sometimes ask me how I put up with earthquakes and I laugh.
“They happened all the time, but most were too small to be noticed and the really big ones…were infrequent. I can count on one hand the number of big ones I have been in.”
There weren’t any warnings for earthquakes. You heard a rumble and depending on where you were you might look up to see if the chandelier was swinging.
So you kept an earthquake kit in the house and maybe one in the car.
Straddling Worlds
My baby is about six or maybe it is eight weeks away from graduating high school. Hasn’t made a final decision on college, but we did spend time touring one potential option.
Got things pretty close to a final decision, just reviewing a couple of things before final decisions are made.
Feels a bit like straddling worlds because so many changes are taking place now or about to take place and a new chapter of life is about to begin.
Got a bunch of friends who have already become grandparents and a bunch who aren’t there yet. If I fast forward a decade I expect some of the boys will be telling me about their wives are ready to become grandma, it is not hard to picture.
But rewind ten and most of us are buried in child rearing and a million responsibilities that make this time seem like it would never hit, let alone that part 10 years from now.
So damn surreal, almost feels impossible. Maybe I ought to write something about that mortuary in that third world nation…
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